Depression and Mystery
by slep
Summary: Something happened to a member of the BAU can their teammates find out what and save them in time. Trigger Warnings for self harm
1. Chapter 1

It was early Sunday morning when the agents of the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit got called in for a case. A mass grave mass had been found unearthed in Bellow a small town in Montana. Law Enforcement were Overwhelmed by the sheer number of bodies discovered; Coupled with the age of the bodies the oldest being ten years old to the newest being only a few days old. By Five AM all members of the Unit were on the plane ready to fly out. Except for one noticeable exception Dr. Spencer Reid had yet to arrive.

"Emily, Reid did he say he was going to meet us on the plane right?" Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner asked.

"Yes he did, he sounded a bit sick on the phone though, it probably took him a while to get ready." Agent Prentiss answered.

Shortly after that exchange Reid stumbled onto the plane. He was slightly unsteady on his feet, his clothes his clean but his hair was slightly greasy. He took a seat without a word of explanation or even apology. JJ told the pilot they were ready and they took off. Once safely in the air the agents rearranged themselves to go over the case. Reid who had not been present for the briefing simply grabbed a case file and started reading it through. The other agents went through the case Reid was uncommonly quiet. He was able to offer some useful statistics and facts when asked though.

After the meeting Reid went to the galley where JJ observed him downing a salt packet, and a sugar packet, washing them both down with a glass of water. He then walked over to the couch and fell asleep. Two hours after he fell asleep Morgan who was going to get some coffee noticed something odd on the floor in front of the sofa. He knelt down and saw it was drops of something wet, he touched one of the spots with his fingertip, it was blood. He stood and tried to wake Reid up. Reid was passed out cold; however he did flop onto his back when Morgan shook him. Morgan noticed the blood stain on his right sleeve and pushed up his sleeve. This revealed a crude bandage saturated with blood a few inches up his wrist. Carefully unwrapping the bandage Morgan saw a long jagged knife cut clearly self inflicted. Morgan paled and said quietly and sadly

"Pretty boy what happened to you?"

Morgan then rewrapped the bandage and stood up. He went over to Hotch who was sound asleep and shook him awake

"Morgan what's going on?" Hotch asked

"It's Reid, something's wrong with him."

Morgan led Hotch over to where Reid was sleeping. He showed Hotch the wound. Hotch knelt down and pushed the sleeve up further checking for needle marks. He did not find any but he did find concerned him even more; three more jagged cuts the oldest fully healed the other two in various stages of healing. Hotch gently pulled Reid's other arm out from where it was resting against the sofa and checked it. He found four knife wounds fully healed on his forearm. Hotch bowed his head for a second then had Morgan get the first aid kit. Hotch cleaned Reid's cut and bandaged it tightly limiting the bleeding. He then pulled down the shirt sleeves and positioned Reid's arms on his chest. The two men than sat down at one of the small tables unsure what to say to each other both heart sick over the man they considered family.

"I don't think it's drugs, I think its alcohol." Morgan said

"Why do you think that?" Hotch asked

"When I was trying to wake him he snored. His breath smelled like whiskey."

"That would explain why he's passed out. But what happened to him, do you have any ideas?"

Morgan shook his head, both men fell silent. They knew they had to tell the rest of the team. They needed answers and Reid needed help desperately. Hotch and Morgan woke the rest of the team signaling them to keep quiet. JJ, Emily, and Rossi got coffee and they all sat in the same place they had gathered to discuss the case two and a half hours ago. Hotch reported what they had just learned. JJ was almost in tears, Emily was shocked, and Rossi looked like an old man. The team discussed Reid but no one had answers. He had been quieter than usual, looking more exhausted and stressed. However his work was done on time, he performed well in the field, and despite a lack of interest in socializing with the team seemed normal. JJ mentioned Reid's downing of the salt, sugar, and water before he slept. Rossi theorized that it could be an attempt at a hangover remedy. With no answers the team knew they had to get Reid to open up.

 **A/N Just a quick something I wrote up. This was originally going to be a one-shot but as usual it turned into more. If people are interested let me know, I welcome and may use any theory or comment. Every review makes me a better writer and makes me happy, so please click the button.**


	2. Chapter 2

The team fell into silent reflection trying to come to terms with their friend's desperate state. After many painful minutes Rossi broke the silence asking if anyone had any thoughts no one answered. Rossi then spoke proposing a plan both dangerous and desperate.

"I propose we don't confront Reid not yet. We're on a case, out of his comfort zone. If we confront him and he breaks down then the only thing we can do is hand him over to mental health. If we wait till we're back home we can take care of him, help him without involving a hospital."

"Dave he has eight cuts on his arms, he is clearly a danger to himself. If we wait he could commit suicide."

The others were taken aback both at Rossi's plan and Hotch's blunt statement of their own worst fears.

"I know the risks Aaron, but he came on this case, he bandaged his arm and if I'm right tried to cure his hangover so he could work. He's not suicidal yet. If the team is careful to never leave him alone, keep a close eye on him I'm sure we can keep him safe until we're back home."

"How do you propose we keep him safe, it's not like we can keep an eye on him 24-7?" Morgan asked

"You share a room with him. Reid will always be partnered with someone if he goes into the field and we keep him at the police station as much as we can. He's been leaving his gun at Quantico for a month now so all we have to do is say is we forgot to bring it. "Rossi continued his case

The others discussed it, but decided to take a chance knowing they couldn't abandon the case without a reason and did not want to risk having to commit Reid until there was no other choice. Hotch took of the bandage on Reid's arm and replaced it with a much cruder dressing. The others sat quietly trying to come to terms with their friend's plight and plan ways to save him from himself. Shortly before landing Morgan woke Reid up. Reid yawned, stretched and took a seat. After they landed Reid went to down a cup of coffee and noticed the blood stain. He grabbed his sweater and quickly put it on with a furtive glance. The others were busy getting ready to disembark, though unknown to him were all keeping a watchful on him. After they landed they drove to the station, the others quickly scattered: Emily and Morgan to the morgue, Hotch and Rossi to the dump site. JJ and Reid stayed at the station to set up the team's conference area and go through the initial reports of the police's findings.

As soon as the others left Reid grabbed something from his bag and went into the restroom. JJ had her heart in her throat unable to see what was in Reid's hand she could only hope. After five minutes he came out and she calmed down. They worked quietly for several hours Reid drinking copious amounts of coffee and avoiding bright lights. After the other agents came back the whole team went to eat at a local diner.

The case was going to some time; there were at least fifteen bodies in the grave: only two had been identified so far. Garcia was busy tracking down missing persons and the coroner was busy running prints and tracking down dental records. The team hoped to identify everyone but with the first two victims being drug dealers it seemed likely that the other victims were easy targets not a select victim pool. This would make it harder to track down the killer. Everyone except Reid was deeply unhappy with this news they needed to be back as soon as possible.

Hiding their unease the agents treated Reid as if he had the cold he had pretended to have. They asked him how he was feeling, if he needed anything. Morgan teased him to encourage him to eat his lunch, while JJ told him he needs to keep up his strength. Reid put up with their attention and tried to avoid it when he could. He did ask about his gun but dropped it when Hotch said he had forgotten to bring it because Reid didn't ask him to. The team worked through the rest of the day, going over ME reports and other paperwork. They worked longer than they normally did. Hotch eventually calling it for the night, Morgan tried to get everyone to go back to the diner for dinner but Reid firmly declined saying he was tired the others agreed saying it was a long day everyone could use a rest. They got take out and went to the motel Rossi already having taken care of the rooms.

"So we're going to have share, this is a small town and on top of a room shortage the FBI is implementing budget restrictions." Hotch explained

"What, we have to share a room with someone else?" Reid started astonishment, slight anger and fear, in his tone and on his face the only emotions he had shown all day besides tired annoyance

"Yes, the girls will take one room, Rossi and I, and you and Morgan."

Reid looked ready to protest further, but a quick look at Hotch's face quieted him. Emily had gone through Reid's to go bag earlier and had not found any knives or sharp objects beyond his razor. With this assurance Morgan led Reid to their room prepared for a sleepless night. The two men ate dinner or more accurately Morgan ate and Reid took a few bites before pushing his plate away. Morgan experienced the same fear as JJ when Reid went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. He calmed down and took his turn keeping his gun holstered as he entered.

Ignoring his usual habit of securing his gun in a drawer Morgan when he got out put it under the other pillow of his twin size bed, Reid was too busy ignoring him with a book to notice. During the middle of the night Morgan who had not slept at all heard a strange noise: turning on the light he saw it was Reid unsuccessfully hiding under the covers with a sheet stuffed into his mouth. Whether Reid was crying, screaming, or some other noise Morgan could not figure out. Morgan turned out the light willing to keep to keep to Rossi's plan but heartbroken at not helping his friend.

In the morning Reid and Morgan were both exhausted. The two men got ready for work, Reid spending a long time in the bathroom. Morgan checked when it was his turn but all he could find was Reid's bloody bandage that he had tried attempted to hide. They went outside to join the others at the SVU's and drove to the station where there were bagels and coffee waiting. The agents grabbed breakfast and then went over the most recent case information. Eight more victims had been identified and as they had theorized they were low level criminals or people living on the fringes of society.

"Reid work on a geographical profile of where these people lived, Emily, Morgan track down the families of the victims see if they had anything in common. JJ go over local police reports see if there's anyone with a history of violent arrests. Rossi and I will profile the first two victims see if there's a link or a reason they were killed."

Before the team scattered, Hotch asked if Reid could pick up some files from the police secretary had for them. Keeping an eye on Reid from the door, Morgan quickly filled the team in on what happened last night.

"Late last night I heard Reid making a weird noise. I turned on the light and he was sound asleep with a sheet stuffed in his mouth. What noise he was actually making I couldn't make out. This morning he took a long time in the bathroom but when I checked I only found an old bandage."

"Something traumatic definitely happened but Reid is going to great lengths to not let anyone know. There is actually a good sign though, even though he had bad dreams he didn't hurt himself when he woke and is working. "JJ said

"He's suppressing what's happened, burying it so he doesn't have to deal with it. Reid is doing so with work and when he can't work with alcohol. "Emily said

Morgan saw Reid returning and signaled the others to be quiet. Reid asked what they had been discussing and Morgan explained that he was telling them about a great move he had seen in a basketball game. Reid didn't believe him but everyone scattered and he too fell to work.

 **A/N I promise to get to Garcia's reaction in the next chapter I just hate seeing her unhappy. What do you guys think of Rossi's plan? Do you think it's the right move? I love all reviews they make me very happy, so please click the button all reviews even flames are greatly appreciated.**


	3. Chapter 3

The day passed quietly the team compiled more evidence: Reid did a geographical profile of where the victims lived. All the victims lived within the same ten mile radius in the poor section of town. Garcia and the coroner identified the seventeen victims: two more bodies having been discovered late last night. The first three victims had been beaten and stabbed to death, after that the others had just been stabbed. The newest victims had died more slowly than the others; they had bled out from veins being hit.

At noon Hotch decided to take a break. They had covered a lot of ground and he wanted Reid to eat more than the half bagel he had taken for breakfast. At the diner, Reid was moody and irritable. He barely ate and kept silent. He kept looking at them as if trying to figure something out. After a futile effort to make him eat more than half his plate the others bowed out. When they returned to the station they held a conference on the information that had gathered.

The oldest victim was a pastor John Swallow who lost his job after he got addicted to heroin. The team worked hard and were starting to narrow down the suspect pool with the amount of anger the Unsub was showing it seemed likely that the perpetrator was someone with a record of violent behavior. It also seemed likely since the first victim was a former pastor that he might have known the Unsub before he lost his job. The team was slowly forming a profile but even after interviewing the victims family and friends, the main connection was poverty.

Morgan had a theory that every one of the victims had fallen into crime or drugs that for the first part of their lives they had been normal law abiding citizens than something had happened to them. He called Garcia to see if the victims had attended the same church or school, or a similar institution. As he talked to her he remembered the call he had yesterday:

 _"_ _Hey baby girl, how are you doing?"_

 _"_ _Fine, why do you ask?"_

 _"_ _Have you noticed anything different about Reid in the past month?"_

 _"_ _He's been moody, less willing to socialize. Why, what's going on?"_

 _"_ _Reid came on the plane this morning drunk. He passed out on the couch, I noticed blood on his sleeve. Hotch and I found cuts on his arms four on each arm."_

 _"_ _What, no that's impossible, I've seen his arms their were no cuts."_

 _"_ _He must have covered them up. He's self harming baby girl."_

 _Garcia started crying. Then pulled herself together after a couple of minutes_

 _"_ _What are you guys doing, how did Reid react when you confronted him?"_

 _"_ _We didn't we're waiting until we get home. "_

 _"_ _Alright, I need some time to process. Call me later if you need me to work."_

This was the first time Morgan had called her since their conversation. She had been dealing with Hotch not him.

"Hey baby girl, how are you doing?"

"I'm holding on. I want to see Reid and take care of him."

"I know the sooner we finish the case the sooner we can help him."

"I know. What do you need?"

Morgan told her his theory and she hung up to work on it. For the rest of the day the teams worked on profile and were hopeful to have it completed by the next day. Garcia called at four thirty and confirmed Morgan's theory. She sent them a list of current and previous members of the church Pastor Swallow's church, the victims had all attended and the team started cross referencing it with those who had criminal records. Reid who had been withdrawn all day, had concentrated on work avoiding the team. When they were done Reid said he needed a walk. Morgan said he'd go with him. Reid argued with him, but gave in after five minutes. They went to a drug store where Reid bought some over the counter sleeping medicine. They then went back to the station where they joined the others for dinner. Morgan drew Hotch aside to talk to him

"Reid bought sleeping pills. I think it's only to help to him sleep, but if I'm wrong…"

"Keep an eye on him. Ask him why he needs them. It does seem likely that whatever happened to him, he doesn't want to remember it or have you witness him reliving it."

"Alright Hotch."

After they ate and returned to the hotel, Morgan tried talking to Reid who completely ignored him. Morgan when it came time for him to use the bathroom, deliberately flushed most of the unopened bottle of pills down the toilet, he only left five. When he came out he told Reid what he had accidently spilled most of the pills out on the floor. Reid looked furious for a few seconds before he calmed down. Morgan and Reid worked on the case, and then read for two hours before turning off the lights. Reid went into the bathroom, after he came out Morgan went in and counted the pills Reid had taken two. It was a quiet night, but Morgan tossed and turned consumed with worry.

The next day the BAU team finished their profile and presented it. They cross referenced it with the members of Pastor Swallow's church. They interviewed the few people who fit the profile and identified the killer. A Josh Gallard who believed that those who had thrown away their god given gifts did not deserve to live. He had been Pastor Swallow's assistant and had taken over when Swallow had been removed. It was four PM when the case was solved. Hotch decided to leave in the morning. Garcia in the meanwhile had faked a plumbing accident in Reid's apartment. Since Hotch had Jack and since Rossi thought that Reid would be tired of sharing with Morgan, he offered his home. After they got back to Washington and debriefed Reid and Rossi went to his house and in the afternoon the team came over.

A/N Next chapter the confrontation. Please review, let me what you'd like to see, what you think is problematic.


	4. Chapter 4

At two pm the members of the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit gathered in member David Rossi's living room to confront one of their own. The person they were going to confront was currently sitting in an armchair, leaning back and drinking scotch as if he didn't have a care in the world. Emily, JJ and Garcia sat on the sofa, Rossi took the other armchair and Morgan and Hotch sat on chairs brought in from the dining room. There was coffee, water, and glasses on the table which no one touched. Hotch started

"Spencer, we're all here because we care about you. We want to help you. Can you please tell us what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, everything's fine, except for my plumbing but I suspect Garcia can fix that with one phone call."

"Spence, please, we know something happened to you. Please talk to us." JJ said

"Nothing is wrong, I know I've been withdrawn this past month, but I've had things to deal with."

"What things?" Emily asked

"Personal matters."

"Did something happen to your mother?" Hotch asked

"No she's fine."

"Reid we saw you're arms. We know you've been cutting yourself." Morgan said

Reid took a drink of scotch, gave a slight smile and rolled up his sleeves showing his uncut arms. He then stood up "If that's everything.."

"Reid it's two in the afternoon and you're drinking." Rossi said

"I'm being ambushed by my boss and coworkers the same day we get back from a hard case. If you are referring to Saturday it was my day off and if I want to have a couple of drinks that's my right."

Morgan stood and left the room; Garcia gently smiled at Reid and gestured for him to sit. He did so with reluctance. Morgan entered the room with a wet cloth, he grabbed Reid's wrist and quickly wiped away the makeup revealing two of the cuts. Reid pulled his arm away, anger and shame flashed across his face before quickly disappearing behind a mask of indifference. Morgan stepped away and resumed his seat.

"I cut my arm, so what, it happens, there's no need to be concerned."

"Spencer Reid I will make this crystal clear: we know you are self harming, there are eight cuts on your forearms. You are also drinking. If you don't let us help you recover, I will call 911 and you will be committed to a psychiatric ward. "Hotch said

"Really this is what causes you to finally draw the line. You know when I was taking Dilauded I could have been cutting myself. I could have been starving myself; hell I could even have committed suicide. None of you cared enough to find out; to confront me. Now that I'm drinking it's a big deal. I'm not alcoholic and whatever reasons I have for drinking are mine."

"Reid is that the reason you're not talking to us that we failed to help you when you were on drugs." Emily asked

"One of them yes."

"What are the other reasons?"

"Personal, but I will tell you something I see. All of could claim innocence after Hankle, claim you didn't see the signs. The past month again all of you could again claim you knew nothing. The only reason we're here now having the conversation is because you're hands were forced. One of you saw my arms on the plane and told the others. With no way to protect your conciseness and to avoid liability you decided to stage this little meeting.

"Spence that's not true, we are all here because about you. I'm sorry I wasn't more involved after the incident with Tobias Hankle but please let me help you now." JJ pleaded

"Spencer the reason we waited four days was to avoid involving mental health and to try and save your career. We should have been more supportive after you're kidnapping and we all deeply regret that we weren't more supportive. But Spencer we are here now all of us and we want to help you because we care about you and none of us are going to walk away until you are completely recovered." Hotch said

"Reid please let us help you, I can't bear the thought of not having my genius Dr. Who companion around." Garcia said leaning over and taking his hand

Reid took a deep steadying breath and finished his scotch. He then removed his hand from Garcia's and stood.

"I need time to think, oh and Aaron if you decide to call an ambulance make sure to call the morgue as well."

"What!?" every one exclaimed horrified

"Spencer Reid I will not allow you to leave this room if you plan on committing suicide." Hotch said rising to his feet and moving in front of the door

"I don't but if you do have me committed I will be dead within a week and no one can stop me."

"You will be placed on suicide watch; you will be unable to kill yourself."

"I'm a genius with a schizophrenic mother; I have been studying mental asylums for years. I have at least ten contingency plans to kill myself I ever end up committed." Reid said walking to a cabinet and pouring himself another glass of scotch

Silence followed as the two men faced off, Hotch trying to asses Reid's mental condition and Reid calmly sipping scotch waiting on Hotch. It was JJ who ended the standoff. She got up and slowly walked over to Reid making her movements as non threatening as possible

"Spence, we don't want to send to a mental hospital. We just want to help you get better. Please give us a chance to help you, we're all on your side, let us prove it you." JJ finished her sentence just as she reached him. She moved to hug him but Reid sidestepped her

"I need to think, Rossi can act as a babysitter, but I want the rest of you to stay here." Reid said

Hotch nodded and stepped away from the door, Reid and Rossi left. The others sat and looked anywhere but at each other. They felt guilty about their lack of help during Reid's drug use and stunned by how cynical and bleak their friend had become. After a few minutes Garcia started pouring everyone coffee and even made a cup full of cream and sugar. Morgan helped and then gently hugged her, she started crying. He took to a corner of the room and held her until she calmed down. The others started discussing a plan

"If Spencer refuses to let us help I won't have a choice. I won't call the police though; I've been looking into private hospitals. There's one St Mary it's privately run: it's quiet, small, with a focus on talk therapy over drugs." Hotch said unhappy with his plan

"Hotch you heard what Reid said, are you really willing to take the chance." Morgan said coming over

"As I said I won't have a choice, unless we want to confine him ourselves. Lets just hope he's willing to give us another chance." Hotch said

After an hour of halted conversations and tense silences Reid and Rossi returned. Reid had a half full glass of whiskey in his hand, and Rossi looked exhausted. Morgan and Garcia had resumed their seats and everyone waited for one of the returning men to speak

"Spencer has agreed to stay here under my supervision. He doesn't want to see any of you without his invitation. He and I will take two weeks and see how things progress." Rossi said

"If I ask you to come you are not to mention my drinking, or bring up drugs. I want to make this crystal clear I am going to work with Rossi, I am not on any drugs, and whatever has happened I will tell it when I am ready. Do not go poking around in my private life." Reid said firmly though also miserable and bitter about the situation

The others voiced their agreement and Rossi quickly showed them out. Morgan and Hotch with Reid's permission went over to Reid's apartment to get clothes and a few other personal things. The apartment was a mess liquor bottles were in the kitchen along with dirty dishes. Books were everywhere, the couch had a couple of blankets strewn over it and there were glasses on the coffee table along with papers and more books. In the bedroom clothes were scattered around haphazardly, the bed looked like its sheets hadn't been changed in weeks. The bathroom was filthy, the mirror had been punched, and there was blood stains on the counter and the floor. The two men gathered Reid's things together and left as quickly as they could.

 **A/N This story is both cathartic and very difficult to write so the more feedback I get the faster I'll write. About Reid's suicide plan, Reid's greatest fear is to be locked up for the rest of his life, I can't believe he wouldn't have at least contemplated suicide to avoid it. So please tell me think, leave a comment, subscribe, or favorite.**


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey Rossi I'm going out, I need some air." Reid said entering Rossi's study two days after the confrontation

"Not without an escort." Rossi said glancing up from his book happy that Reid was actually leaving the guest room he had been given

"Fine, let's go."

"Where do you want to go?" Rossi said suspiciously hoping it wasn't a liquor store. Rossi had hidden his liquor and was only allowing Reid a single of spirits per day.

"Just out to a grocery store I could use some things."

"What things?" Rossi asked surprised his house was very well stocked

"Personal care items, I didn't exactly have time to pack for an extended stay here." Reid said

"Alright." Rossi said standing and putting his book away

They left and were driving to a grocery store near the edge of the suburb when Reid spotted a bookstore. He excitedly asked to stop and Rossi did so happy to see Reid actually express positive emotions. They went inside and Reid made a beeline for the Science Fiction/ Fantasy section. Rossi went to the language section and started looking at Italian literature. He kept a careful eye on Reid who was engaged with a pretty salesgirl. Rossi smiled whatever issues Reid had he could at least appreciate a pretty face. After a few minutes the salesgirl left and Reid picked up a book and started leafing through it. Suddenly the manager came over to Rossi

"Excuse me are you David Rossi?"

"I am, can I help you?"

"Your companion said you wouldn't mind signing some books while you here, is that true?"

"Sorry, he was mistaken, I'm just here as a customer."

As they were talking though a few people had come over, others soon joined them asking for autographs or taking pictures. It took Rossi over seven minutes to escape the mob, when he looked for Reid he had disappeared. Rossi asked around the store but no one had seen him. Rossi went outside and found his car still there. He got out his phone and called Hotch

"Aaron, it's David

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Yes, he's missing. We went out to run some errands and we stopped by a bookstore. I was recognized and well a crowd formed. By the time I was able to extricate myself Reid had disappeared."

…

"I believe he's on foot, my car's still here.

…

"That was my next call; I'll see you guys soon."

The entire BAU including Garcia and Will assembled in the bookstore parking lot in ten minutes. Reid's cell phone was off and they were unable to track it. Everyone was anxious, upset, and deeply concerned; they had no idea what Reid might do. Hotch as always knew what to do

"Alright everyone Reid is missing we need to find him as soon as possible. He's on foot so he couldn't have gone far. JJ, Will, get in your car follow the streets. Morgan, Garcia, Emily: check nearby stores, Rossi and I will look in the alley and the woods."

Everyone did as Hotch instructed, fifteen minutes the only lead they had on Reid was him ducking into a nearby liquor store and buying two bottles of Scotch and two bottles of Whiskey. After another five minutes Rossi spotted a figure on a bridge above a roaring river. Hotch and Rossi ran over praying it wasn't Reid. The bridge was old: it was made of wood, the railings and supports were brick. They got to the bridge and found Reid sitting on the railing in the middle of the bridge, one foot was resting on the railing, the other was dangling over the side, a bottle of Scotch was in his hand a quarter of it had already been drunk. Rossi slowly walked to the middle of the bridge while Hotch called the others. Rossi got to Reid but stayed in the middle of the pathway.

"Spencer what are you doing?" Reid started and turned to look at him before turning to look at the landscape again

"Enjoying the view, it's beautiful isn't it?"

"It is." Rossi said following the river as it ran through pristine forests and meadows full of flowers "Can I come over and get a better view?" Rossi asked after admiring the view for a few minutes

"No, I just need some time to reflect, to think, to just …." Reid trailed off and waved his Scotch at the landscape

"I understand, we all need that sometimes. But why didn't you tell me, why did you sneak off."

"You wouldn't have let me come here; you don't trust me these days." Reid said with a slight laugh

"I'm just concerned about you that's all."

"You also don't approve of my drinking." Reid said taking a long drink of Scotch

"I don't have an issue with you drinking, I do have an issue with the reason you are drinking."

"You have no idea why I drink. The reason I am drinking now if you wish to know is I need time to process, to come to terms with the fact that the team knows about my arms." Reid said

"You had to know we'd find out eventually, you couldn't expect to keep it a secret forever." Rossi said

"I was using Dilauded for months no one except for Gideon talked to me about it. It was an open secret, which no one dared to bring up. Saturday I was stupid I shouldn't have come in that condition." Reid said talking yet another drink

"Why did you?" Rossi asked as gently as he could

"I had a bad night, I tried to sleep but I couldn't…." Reid trailed off took a swig then continued in a very subdued tone "I had a few drinks and I fell asleep, my nightmares were so bad I just….." Suddenly Reid swore and threw his bottle of Scotch into the river. He then flashed around to stare at Rossi almost falling in the process. He hurriedly grabbed the bridge and righted himself

"I told you I didn't want to see them yet." Reid said his low with barely subdued anger

Rossi was puzzled Hotch had stayed off the bridge and was currently concealed from Reid's view by some overgrown trees. Then he spotted Will, and Morgan on the river bank tying a rope to a tree, preparing to retrieve Reid if he jumped.

"Kid I didn't have a choice, I couldn't find you and your cell phone was turned off."

"So instead of looking for me yourself, instead of trusting me you call the entire team plus Will in. You planning on locking me up too, because that as you well know is a bad idea."

"Spencer the whole team cares about you, we are not going to commit you unless we have no other option. We're just being careful you know the statistics about people in your situation as well as we do."

"Don't you dare mention statistics or facts to me. That's all I'm good for according to you guys dredging up facts and statistics to support you're theories."

"That's not true you are a valued member of the BAU and it's not just for your extensive knowledge of facts."

"No, it's also because my brain is like a computer that can read quickly and analyze and comprehend almost anything you can give me."

"Reid could you please get off the railing I'm afraid you might accidentally fall." Emily said hurrying over

"I'm quite comfortable where I am, but thank you for the concern." Reid said bending over and retrieving a bottle of whiskey from the bag

"Spencer I need you to come down from that railing right now." Hotch said coming over with Garcia

"Well this bridge has become crowded" Reid said with a sigh "alright just give me a second."

Reid put the bottle of whiskey in the bag and drew his foot back onto the railing. He put his hands on the railing and carefully stood, it looked like he was about to jump down when he suddenly started falling backwards. Hotch, and Rossi instantly darted forward, Rossi tripped on the liquor bottles and fell on his side. Hotch got to the railing just as Reid fell off , he lunged forward….

 **A/N This subject is very dark and you're reviews, favorites and follows encourage me so much.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

Hotch was able to grab Reid's shirt, but the fabric quickly started tearing. Rossi and Emily joined Hotch just in time to see Reid's shirt tear completely sending Reid hurtling into the river. Morgan had already tied the rope around his waist and dove in. The four on the bridge saw Reid surface and try to swim to shore but the impact seemed to have disoriented him and he quickly went under again. Morgan got to Reid's location but the water was quickly moving both men downstream. Hotch, Rossi, and Emily ran down to Will and JJ who were prepared to drag both men to shore, Garcia remained on the bridge as a lookout

"I'm going in Derek needs help." Hotch said quickly pulling off his shoes as he saw Morgan struggling to get to Reid

"The water's deep and fast moving; it will be hard enough pulling Derek and Spencer out let alone a third person." Rossi said

Everyone watched as Morgan dove again and again searching for his friend; everyone was giving up hope when Garcia spotted Reid. She quickly called Hotch who ran down the river bank and dove in grabbing him just as he resurfaced. Morgan spotted them and tried to swim towards them but the rope wouldn't go any farther. Hotch was in the middle of the river he swam upstream toward Morgan and managed to hand Reid over. Rossi and Will quickly started pulling both men out of the water as Morgan kept a firm grasp on Reid. Hotch swam to shore and was met by Emily who helped him reach the shore. Will waded in and grabbed Reid while Morgan dragged himself up the bank, where Rossi helped him get completely clear of the water. Garcia joined them running as fast as she could.

Morgan was exhausted but he quickly got to his feet and went over to Reid who lay still as death on the ground under a tree. Will was kneeling over him checking for a pulse

"Is he alive?" Morgan asked breathlessly

"His pulse is very weak but he's got one." Will said

Hotch and Emily joined them just then upon seeing Reid Emily gasped in dismay and Hotch quickly knelt down next to Will. Hotch leaned over

"Spencer, Spencer I need you to open your eyes." He said lightly shaking him

"I'm going to call an ambulance." JJ said pulling out her phone

"No you can't, you do that and Spencer gets committed." Rossi said

"You don't think this was a suicide attempt?" JJ asked skeptically

"He was coming down; he put his bottle of whiskey in the bag and was moving to jump down, when he slipped. If he had wanted to kill himself he would have done so, he wouldn't have made a show of it." Rossi said

Reid suddenly started coughing, Will leaned over and helped prop him up, Reid leaned over and threw up water and alcohol. After he threw up his coughing slowly subsided, he opened his eyes and spotted the entire team gathered around. Reid instantly jerked out of Will's arms and tried to lever himself up. He was too exhausted and quickly sank back down. Everyone drew back a few paces and waited. After a minute Reid spoke

"Why?" his voice was barely audible,

"Why what?" Rossi asked

"Why did you save me?"

"Because we care about you, we're family. Families take care of each other."

Reid laughed weakly with great bitterness; he then slowly rolled onto his stomach and pushed himself to his feet. He was unsteady on his feet and almost fell. Morgan rushed over and tried to steady him, but Reid pushed him away. Reid sighed and gestured at Garcia who came over: he carefully put an arm around her shoulders and leaned on her. Emily untied the rope from the tree and came to over to Morgan who in his worry over Reid had forgotten to untie it from his waist. He tried but he was soaked and had started shivering slightly from over exertion and cold. JJ who was standing next to him helped him. Hotch retrieved his shoes and the group slowly started moving.

Reid walked slowly and had a hard time picking his way over roots, rocks, and other obstacles. Garcia tried her best to help him but she was unused to assisting people and eventually they both fell after Reid tripped over a fallen tree branch. Garcia got to her feet quickly but Reid had the wind knocked out of him and it took him a little while to get to his feet. Garcia moved to help him again, but Emily stopped her and Rossi went over

"Spencer, do you need to rest? We can take a breather."

"No I'm fine David just a bit tired." Reid said Rossi tried to wrap an arm around Reid's waist but Reid stopped him

"Will, could you help me?"

"Course" Will said walking over and allowing Reid to wrap an arm around his shoulders

They resumed walking and soon reached the bridge. Reid tried to turn on to it, but Will put a hand on his chest and held him back. Hotch strode onto the bridge and retrieved Reid's liquor. When he returned Reid grabbed the bag and tried to throw it into the river, he lacked strength and the bottles shattered on the ground. Everyone looked at Reid in surprise and then at each other but no one dared speak. They walked away, but Rossi who stayed behind to pick up the bag. They reached the parking lot, where a bookstore employee the same one who had been talking to Reid came over to them

"Are you guys alright, what happened?" She asked concerned

"We're fine; a few of us fell into the river, that's all." Hotch said

"Oh, well come inside I'll get you guys coffee and I think I can find a few blankets as well."

"Thank you for your generous offer, but I live close by." Rossi said

Every one split off to go their vehicles Reid gave the girl a slight smile as he and Rossi walked off. When they arrived at Rossi's mansion Reid was quickly ushered to his room and dressed in warm clothing. Rossi then escorted him to a room where a fire was burning merrily in the fire place and a big comfy chair was drawn up close. Garcia wrapped a blanket around Reid's shoulders and had him sit down in the chair. She then put another blanket over his knees and then asked if he wanted anything

"You're so good Penelope, I have no idea how you do it. You're always trying to make things a little bit brighter and you almost always succeed. Never lose that light Penelope promise me." Reid said grabbing her hand

"I won't, but Spencer you've got the same light you're always helping people. You've got so much empathy and understanding; you're always trying to make the world a better place."

"I did try and I failed, I have failed so much, the things I've seen and done….." Reid trailed off with a haunted despairing look

JJ, Emily, Will, and Rossi entered the room; Morgan was changing into his gym clothes and Hotch was changing into some of Rossi's old clothes. JJ and Will brought mugs of coffee and passed them out. Reid took his and everyone took seats. After a couple minutes passed Hotch and Morgan joined them, they took cups of coffee and everyone drank trying to come to terms with the events of the day

"Spencer I need to know did you deliberately fall off the bridge?" Hotch asked not willing to sugarcoat anything

"No I accidentally slipped and fell off. "

"Spencer all of us want to help you, Derek and I put our lives on the line to save you…."

"I didn't ask you too, either of you." Reid interrupted him

"Spencer you agreed to work with David, you agreed to stay here and try to get better, did you actually mean any of it?" JJ burst out

"I didn't ask you to interfere in my affairs, I didn't ask you guys to set up a confrontation to make everyone feel better about themselves and I certainly didn't want any of you on or near that bridge today."

"What do you want Spencer tell us what do you want?" Morgan asked

"I want the nightmares to end; I want to be able to sleep at night. I don't want to come to work every day having to prove I can do my job, that I'm not just a genius Gideon brought in to be used as a human computer or a walking encyclopedia. I don't know what I want, and even if I did I wouldn't tell you." Reid said with a heavy sigh

 **A/N Please Review, Follow, Favorite. Especially review everyone I get really encourages me as a writer. I would especially love to know what people thought of my scene with the river.**


	7. Chapter 7

"Spencer I know we've failed you in the past, but please let us help. You are not just genius we use as a tool, you are dear friend and all of us care deeply about you." Emily said

"Spencer I admit that when you first joined the BAU that was how I viewed you. A genius Gideon brought in to be used to analyze information and remember facts and statistics when the team needed them. As time passed you proved yourself as an agent and as a member of the BAU. Time and again you have proved you belong on the team. You're compassion, hard work, diligence, thoughtfulness, and yes intellect have made you one the one of the most valuable members of our team." Hotch said

Reid sat their speechless then started laughing "Nice speech Aaron did you practice it in front of a mirror?"

"No I didn't, everything I said is the truth why don't you believe me?" Hotch demanded

"Because….." Reid trailed off and studied Hotch then suddenly he buried his face in his hands "I can't, I can't do this, not now." Reid stood and tried to leave but Morgan caught him and held him

"Spencer it's alright to break down, to show weakness. No one will think any less of you."

"It was nothing, it should mean nothing. Most of us hear have had a near death experience, why do I actually care?" Reid asked brokenly

"Spencer facing death changes people, just because we don't talk it about does not mean it doesn't affect us. I sometimes wake up in the night drenched with sweat after reliving some of my close calls."

"I went to mass every Sunday for months after." Rossi said

"I used to carry my gun around everywhere until Haley told me to stop. I then got my second gun and ankle holster so I wouldn't upset her." Hotch said

"I went to a therapist and I joined a whole bunch of support groups after I was shot." Garcia said

Reid sagged and Morgan drew him closer and hugged him tight. Reid started crying and Morgan just held him "Sh, Sh, it's alright everything's alright, I've got you." Reid suddenly jerked out of Morgan's arms and hurried out of the room. Morgan sighed and rubbed a hand over his face

"You did well, Reid was actually opening up." Rossi said

"I know, I want to help him I'm just not sure how."

Hotch put a hand on Morgan's shoulder, then bent down and picked up the blanket that had fallen from Reid's shoulder. Garcia took it and folded it up, and put it and the other blanket on the chair Reid had vacated. Reid came back into ten minutes looking a great dealer calmer, but was shivering slightly. JJ quickly led him to the fire, where Garcia again wrapped him in blankets. Rossi left the room, when he came back he handed Reid a fresh mug of coffee and a plate of cookies: he handed Reid two cookies and put the plate on the coffee table.

"Spencer how are you feeling?" Will asked

"I'm fine, I'm sorry about the lack of control you witnessed. "

"It's fine, you had a very traumatic experience, it's understandable that you'd break down."

Hotch, Rossi, and Morgan shared a quick apprehensive look, then Rossi left the room. Spencer had stopped talking and was drinking his coffee. However he was still shivering and was having a hard time holding the cup still. Garcia took the mug away and handed it to Emily who was sitting in a chair close by. Garcia then took Reid's hands and grew slightly pale

"Rossi?" She called

"He had to step out for a minute, what's wrong?" Hotch asked

"It's Reid his hands are cold as ice, but he's sweating. I think he's got a fever." Garcia said

Hotch got up from the sofa and went over to Reid. He went to put a hand on his forehead but Reid shook his head. Hotch ignored that motion and clamped a hand on his head.

"You're burning up; you need to go to bed." Hotch said removing his hand

"I'm fine, just a bit cold. I did take a swim today remember." Reid said

"Spencer, you need to take care of yourself. The team will leave and you can go to bed okay?" Hotch said kneeling down and taking one of Reid's hands.

"I'm feeling fine, you don't have to worry. I could use more coffee though."

Hotch sighed and stood, he held out a hand for Reid's mug which Emily gave to him. He was just about to hand it over when Rossi came back into the room looking angry and worried. He strode over to Reid, Hotch blocked him though

"Dave what's wrong?"

"I found blood in the bathroom, Spencer cut himself."

Everyone gasped in dismay and Garcia and JJ went a bit pale. Everyone grew even more distraught at Reid's response:"I thought I cleaned up all the blood." Reid said bemusedly

"Give me the knife, Spencer." Hotch said turning to Reid and holding out his hand

Reid shook his head

"Spencer you will give me the knife or I will have Derek restrain you, while I pat you down."

Reid glared at him as he stood up; he was so unsteady on his feet he had to grip the back of the chair to remain standing. Hotch and Rossi noticed a lump of cloth on Reid's arm but didn't say anything. Reid drew out a little knife that was commonly used as a bottle opener from the pocket of his slacks and handed it to Hotch. Hotch put it in his pocket and then helped Reid sit down. Rossi left the room with Emily and came back in a couple minutes with a bowl of hot water, a cloth, antiseptic ointment, and bandages. Reid had wrapped himself up again, but grudgingly dug out his arm when Rossi knelt down by the chair. Rossi unwrapped the handkerchief which was soaked in blood. Reid had reopened the cut from Saturday night. The current wound was jagged and uneven, the knife Reid wasn't very sharp and it must have taken Reid a lot of effort to cut himself.

"Spencer why did you do this to yourself? You cut so deep you hit a vein." Rossi asked examining the cut

"I needed to regain control. I couldn't break down not in front of everyone. I needed a release." Reid said

"Spencer there is no shame in letting other people see you vulnerable especially those that care about you. Hurting yourself is not a solution; it won't solve anything neither will drink." Hotch said

Reid ducked his head and didn't answer. Reid was shaking so badly that Hotch had to help hold his arm still while Rossi cleaned it. Morgan had already taken Garcia out of the room before Rossi unwrapped the wound. Will after seeing the cut gently put an arm around JJ and led her outside. It was quite as the two men worked, Emily helping where directed. The bleeding slowed to a trickle as Rossi finished and wrapped the bandages as tightly as he dared. He and Emily cleaned up and left the room, while Hotch wrapped Reid up in the blankets.

"Hotch I'm sorry I don't mean to be so much trouble."

"It's okay you're not that much trouble. Just please let us help you that's all we ask."

Reid leaned back and didn't answer. Within five minutes everyone had come back in.

"Derek could you and Dave take Spencer to his room and put him to bed?" Hotch asked

"Of course, we'll get him settled and then I'll make soup." Dave said

Hotch helped Reid stand and wrapped a blanket around his shoulders. Rossi came over and put an arm around Reid and the three men left. JJ and Will also left. Hotch put out the fire and the remaining agents gathered around the coffee table. After a little while Morgan and Rossi came back.

"How is my genius doing?" Garcia asked

"He's sleeping, unfortunately we'll have to check the cut every hour so he can't sleep very peacefully." Rossi replied

"What happened? Can we trust that he'll be safe here?" Emily asked "No offense Rossi but he did sneak away from you once." Emily said seeing Rossi's face.

"None taken, he's very intelligent and a trained FBI Agent. On the bright side if you can call it that he's sick which will make it harder for him to try anything. I would like Garcia to come over every day and bring something nice and cheerful. The rest of you stay away, he opened up briefly and then forced himself to shut down. There is hope that we can reach him."

"I will give you a week Dave, but if he harms himself again I will have no choice but to send him to a Mental Hospital." Hotch said

 **A/N I tried to be as real as I could with the team's reactions to near death experiences I would greatly appreciate it if you would let me know if they seem genuine. Reid is starting to open up especially to Garcia he is going to open up more in later chapters. Follow, Subscribe, and I would love to know your thoughts so please write them in the little box below.  
**


	8. Chapter 8

Reid stayed in bed for the next two days dozing fitfully due to nightmares and Rossi waking him up to check his cut, eat, or use the bathroom. Garcia came over after work and stayed for three hours bringing over Dr. Who toys, colorful blankets, pillows, and books. She helped Rossi make broth and clean Reid's wound though after the first time she broke down crying for a couple minutes after. On the third day Reid's fever broke and in the afternoon Rossi allowed him to leave his bed and helped him to the same room he had been in after he fell in the river. Rossi after propping Reid up with pillows and smothering him with blankets took a set on the sofawhile they waited for Garcia who had left work early after she learned Reid was up and his fever had broken.

"So Spencer I didn't get a chance to tell you before but Joan Wick stopped by."

"Joan Wick? Who's that?" Reid asked disinterestedly studying the Ray Bradbury book on his lap

"The woman who left you that book, the one you met at the bookstore."

Reid's head shot up at that and his face lit up slightly. Rossi managed to conceal a smile.

"She came over a few hours after the others left. She brought you the book you were looking at the store and five gourmet brownies. I told her you were sick but I promised to let her know when you were up for visitors."

Reid whose shields were down due to illness practically beamed with pleasure that a pretty girl was interested in him. Rossi stood and put a hand on his shoulder before he left the room to give Reid some privacy. He returned ten minutes later with chicken soup, water, and half a roll. Reid had got his emotions under control but he was handling the book with a lot more care. Having eaten broth for two days he had trouble eating much but managed to eat half the bowl and a quarter of the roll. Garcia arrived at four carrying a pot full of stew, Star Trek episodes, and even more blankets and pillows. Reid smiled as she walked into the room but didn't say anything.

"What are you reading?" Garcia asked putting her stuff down

"The complete works of Ray Bradbury Joan gave it to me."

"Who's Joan?"

"A clerk from the bookstore I don't remember its name. Rossi said she came over a few hours after we came here and brought the book and some brownies."

"Garcia and I ate the brownies, sorry kid." Rossi said walking back into the room from the kitchen where he had been putting the stew away

"its fine they would have just gone stale if you had saved them for me." Reid said trying to sound non-chalent but instead sounding disappointed and a bit hurt.

Garcia looked at Rossi but he shook his head telling her not to respond to his tone. She finished setting up the couch and Rossi helped Reid from the arm chair and helped him recline on the couch his legs up leaning on a Dalek pillow. Garcia put on Star Trek, while Rossi set up a jug of water and two cups before leaving the room. After only half an hour Reid fell asleep; Garcia threw another blanket over him and then resumed her seat. An hour after he fell asleep Reid started speaking "No, don't, stop." And then started thrashing around. Garcia immediately went to the door, opened it and called for Rossi who came running. When he entered Reid had fallen off the sofa but was still asleep

"Spencer its okay, your safe, I need you to wake up." Rossi said putting a hand on Reid's shoulder shaking him slightly

Reid recoiled "Nathan you don't have to do this." He said as he opened his eyes

"David? What where am I?" Reid asked panting and staring at Rossi

"You're at my house remember?" he asked gently

"Yes of course, sorry" Reid said stuttering slightly

"It's okay, don't worry about it." Rossi said helping Reid to his feet

As soon as he was on his feet Reid shook him off and started walking out of the room he took two steps before he almost fell, Garcia caught him and helped him back onto the sofa. Rossi hurriedly left the room, when he came back he held a bottle of scotch and three glasses. He poured half a glass for each of them and handed them out. Reid gulped his down and poured himself a second full glass before Garcia or Rossi could say anything.

"Spencer do you get those nightmares a lot?" Garcia asked sipping her scotch

"I'm sorry you had to see that Penelope. It was nothing I'm fine." Reid said his glass already half empty

"Spencer I get nightmares too after I was shot I kept reliving that moment over and over in my dreams, it got so bad I started taking sleeping pills."

"I get nightmares too everyone does especially those who deal with what we see on a daily basis." Rossi said his scotch untouched

"I know I just seem to have nightmares every time I go to sleep." Reid said very quietly

"It's nothing to be ashamed off and we're here if you ever want to talk about it." Rossi said, while Garcia took his hand

Reid finished his drink then moved to stand up but Rossi grabbed his arm and turned it over blood was soaking his sleeve. Reid saw it and his face flamed red with shame

"Garcia please leave, please." Reid pleaded

Garcia left the room, she returned with bandages, medicine, and hot water before quietly leaving the room again. As Rossi unwrapped the bandage and started cleaning the cut Reid kept his eyes fixed on the wall and kept as still as marble. It wasn't until Rossi was halfway done that he noticed a wet spot on the blanket, looking up Rossi saw that Reid was crying. Rossi finished up and then tucked Reid's under the blanket and moved the supplies out of the way.

"Hey kid why don't we get you back to bed okay?" Rossi said

Reid nodded and hastily wiped his eyes. Rossi helped him stand and they walked to the guest room both men ignoring Garcia who was hovering in the hallway. After Reid was bed he pulled the covers over himself and Rossi left. Rossi sent Garcia home and then called Hotch

"Aaron this is Dave Reid had a breakthrough."

….

"He had a nightmare and fell off the couch which caused his arm to start bleeding. After he noticed the blood he asked Garcia to leave the room and started crying as I cleaned it. I know we agreed to have only Garcia come over but Reid started opening up to you and Morgan I think you both should come over tomorrow."

 **A/N I'm back please let me know your still interested by leaving a Review, Following or Favoring. Also a cookie to anyone who figures out who Nathan is."**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N I don't usually leave these notes but I want to make clear I never trashed the team, they have done nothing but be kind and helpful to Reid. All the trash talking is from Reid who is lashing out.**

At midnight Rossi heard a door creak open and then footsteps in the hall. In a flash he got up put on a robe and followed the footsteps to his den. He found Reid had turned a lamp on and was trying to play a DVD

"Spencer what are you doing?"

Reid jumped and whirled to face him, upon seeing it was Rossi he calmed down "I couldn't sleep thought I'd watch some Star Trek. I'm sorry I woke you." he explained apologetically

"It's fine, I would have needed to get up soon anyway." Rossi said walking over

"Oh, yes." Reid muttered a hand hovering over his arm

Rossi didn't say anything else; he put a hand on Reid's forehead and then walked over to the pile of blankets and pillows Garcia had put aside. He quickly set up a nest of blankets and pillows on the couch and guided Reid to sit down before setting up the TV. He then handed Reid the remotes and left the room. When he returned with soup, a roll, water, and medicine he found Reid curled up in a ball watching Spock and Kirk play chess.

"Hey kid you need to eat, then I need to check your arm." Rossi said helping Reid sit up and placing the tray on his lap

"You didn't have to do this Rossi." Reid said eagerly eating the soup

"You need to keep your strength up, and you don't eat enough I swear that guy in Montana was right about you."

Reid smiled slightly "A Pipe cleaner with eyes" he jokingly quoted

Rossi smiled back, Reid finished the soup and then Rossi checked the bandages, applied some medicine and wrapped the cut in clean linen. Reid snuggled down on the couch while Rossi cleaned up. When he got back he found Reid half asleep watching Kirk beat up some guy in a rubber suit. Rossi turned off the light and after making sure Reid had a glass of water close by left and returned to bed careful to keep his door wide open. The next morning Rossi went to check on Reid and found him sound asleep Star Trek still playing in the background. Rossi returned to his room and got ready for the day, when he returned to the den half an hour later Reid was awake and trying to fold blankets.

"Reid I'll put the blankets away, why don't you get a shower?"

"I don't think I'm up for a shower." Reid said "But I'll take a bath." He continued after rubbing a hand through his greasy hair

Reid left the room; Rossi checked on him after forty minutes, after he was done he helped Reid shave, cleaned his arm and gave him even more soup. For the rest of the day they were in the den with a roaring fire; Reid reading or watching Star Trek and dozing, Rossi rereading Dante's Inferno. At four Rossi got up

"Spencer, Garcia can't come over today so Hotch and Morgan are going to join us for dinner."

"What, I don't want to see them, why can't Garcia come is something wrong?"

"Garcia is fine she just has something she can't get out of and I don't want the stew to go to waste. We didn't have any last night and it won't last another night."

"Like the brownies." Reid said as he walked out of the room

Rossi sighed as he heard the guest door slam shut and went to the kitchen. At six Hotch and Morgan arrived. As the three men set the table and got out wine they talked about Reid. Hotch was relieved that Reid had shown shame over his arm and Morgan beamed when he learned Reid had a potential girlfriend. At six twenty Rossi got Reid; Reid was dressed in slacks, a button down shirt, and a sweater his arms carefully concealed from view. He took a seat at the foot of the table but didn't touch the full glass of wine in front of him until the three other men had done so. The meal was silent and tense no one spoke except to pass bread or stew. Reid finished his wine first and refilled his glass but barely touched the second keeping a watchful eye on Morgan and Hotch. At the end of the meal Reid left the table with his wine glass and went into the den Morgan following. When they got to the den Reid collapsed into an armchair by the fireplace. Morgan grabbed a fluffy blue blanket with a Star Trek insignia and threw it over his legs, then knelt down to light a fire.

"Please don't, you don't have to bother." Reid said grabbing his arm

"It's okay kid I don't mind." Morgan said gently freeing his arm

Reid subsided and gulped down half his wine. Morgan built up the fire while Reid studied the floor. Hotch and Rossi joined them a few minutes later, Hotch was carrying a tray of cups and a carafe of coffee, while Rossi had a plate of cookies and a bottle of brandy. Rossi sat in the other armchair across from Reid while Morgan and Hotch sat on the sofa. Reid put down his wine and refused to take any of the food or drink they offered him. He started shivering despite the fire and Hotch immediately got up and brought over some blankets and pillows, while Morgan went to help Reid stand.

"Stop this, I'm fine, you don't need to do this." Reid kept protesting in the same vein as Hotch put pillows on the chair and Morgan wrapped him in blankets

When they were done Morgan helped Reid sit back down and Rossi put extra wood on the fire. The three men resumed their seats and silence fell. The silence continued for ten minutes before Reid spoke

"I know why you're here; you're wasting your time." Reid said

"We're not, even if you don't want to talk, we just want to know we're here for you." Hotch said

"This is absurd, I'm going to bed." Reid said trying to stand but failing

"Spencer just calm down, we can just watch some TV, I'll even watch Star Trek and you can point out all the science mistakes." Morgan offered with only the slightest hint of amusement

"Why are you doing all, the two of you. You couldn't care less when I was doing Dilauded, when I killed people, when we lost innocent victims." Reid said the last part so quietly only Rossi heard him

"Spencer I am so sorry I didn't help you when you were taking drugs, or when you killed Dowd or Hankle I left it to Gideon to mentor you. I should have helped you more, taught you to handle your emotions and deal with all the stress and pressures of the job not left it up to you and Gideon." Hotch said

"Don't, don't do that Aaron, that's not fair." Reid protested the blankets moving slightly

"What's not fair kid?" Rossi asked watching the blankets

Reid shook his head and the blankets started to move more rapidly. It was Morgan not Rossi who stood up and ripped the blankets open to find Reid frantically clawing at his wound. Morgan grabbed his hands, while Hotch got up to help him and Rossi left to get medical supplies.

"Spencer this is not a healthy way to cope, you need to feel your emotions not try to control them with pain or numb them with liquor or drugs." Morgan said

Instead of arguing like they expected Reid bowed his head and whispered "I know." And let Morgan grip his hands

"Spencer why do you feel the need to regain control?" Hotch asked

"If I admit you care about me, that you want to help me. That you're willing to help me then everything I've done is my fault that I destroyed my life out of idiocy and pride." Reid admitted shame and guilt in every word

"No kid you didn't destroy your life, things are rough now but you'll get through this." Morgan said squeezing his hands

Reid didn't say anything but turned his head starting into the fire as if looking for answers. Rossi came in a minute later carrying the same medical supplies as always. Reid jerked his hands out of Morgan's hold and wrapped the blankets tight around him. Rossi brought over the tray and took Morgan's place.

"Hey Spencer I need to check your arm you cut a vein and I need to make you aren't bleeding." Rossi said gently

"I should have talked to you Dave a month ago before things got this bad. I should have given you a chance." Reid said reluctantly allowing Hotch to dig his arm out.

"What happened a month ago?" Rossi said unwrapping Reid's arm

"Nathan Harris was released from a mental hospital."

 **A/N Please tell me what you thought of this chapter, I tried to flesh out scenes and show some of the dynamics in Rossi and Reid's relationship. Please Review let me know your thoughts all comments are deeply appreciated. Or just Follow, Favorite.**


	10. Chapter 10

Reid turned his gaze back to the fire while Rossi cleaned his arm. After Rossi done Morgan handed Reid a mug of coffee heavily spiked with brandy. Reid took a long drink but didn't speak. It was Hotch who broke the silence

"Spencer did you see Nathan after he was released?"

Reid took another long drink but didn't speak; he finished his drink and handed the mug back to Morgan who refilled it with coffee and handed it back

"Who is Nathan Harris?" Rossi asked Reid

"He was a suspect in a series of murders in Washington DC, he was found innocent but Gideon diagnosed him as a budding sexual sadist." Morgan said when Reid refused to answer

"He was only a teenager scared of what he was feeling, scared of what he was capable off. He tried to kill himself I saved his life I'm still not sure it was the right thing to do." Reid said softly

Rossi nodded a long veteran in law enforcement he had seen similar cases. Reid suddenly turned on Hotch angrily

"Why didn't you tell me he was released, why didn't you talk to me?"

"I got a call but it had been so long I wasn't even sure you cared and we had the child murder case in Mississippi by the time we got back I had forgotten."

"You son of a bitch." Reid exploded throwing the mug against the fireplace "You knew he was a sexual sadist ready to kill people and you did nothing. Women are dead because of you, because you were too absorbed with your job, your life to talk to him, to try and help him."

Morgan, Hotch, Rossi had shielded their faces but shards of glass still hit their hands and faces. Reid saw the blood drip from their wounds and hurried out of the room. Morgan ran after him, while Hotch and Rossi cleaned up the mess. Their wounds were superficial and didn't require anything more than antibiotic ointment. Once the coffee was cleaned up, the shards all gathered together, and the blankets in a heap to be washed did they go after Morgan and Reid. They didn't find either man in Reid's room but did spot the back door open. They went outside and found Reid on a tree branch staring into a small pond sparkling with stars with Morgan watching him like a hawk. The branch wasn't very high off the ground, a fall wouldn't hurt Reid but the similarities to the bridge gave both Rossi, and Hotch a chill down their spines.

"Spencer, Rossi and I are fine; could you please come down so we can talk?" Hotch asked coming over

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you." Reid said

"You didn't the cuts will heal quickly and there's no damage to the wall." Rossi said

"It's my fault if I had let him die, if I had gotten to him in time those women would still be alive." Reid said staring up at the stars

"You can't know the future kid, you saved Nathan's life he was only fifteen. You could have had no idea what he would do in the future." Rossi said gently

"Gideon knew, he warned me and I didn't listen."

"Jason was not infallible he made plenty of mistakes, I'm sure he was hoping he was wrong about Nathan." Hotch said."

Reid sighed but didn't respond, a cool wind started blowing and he started shivering. Morgan and Hotch dragged a bench over, while Rossi got blankets

"Spencer you're still very sick you need to come inside and get warm." Morgan said climbing up on the bench

"Maybe I should just let nature decide things, not fight anymore." Reid said quietly more to himself then Morgan

"I know you feel guilty about Nathan Harris but you know you couldn't have lived with yourself if you had let him die. He came to you for help and you helped him, you not only saved his life but you helped him understand what was wrong with him and found people who could give him the help he needed." Morgan said reaching up and putting a hand on Reid's arm

"It didn't help Derek, he still killed innocent women, just he'd been planning to do for years." Reid said still studying the sky

"That's not your fault, you did everything you could to prevent that from happening." Morgan said

"Did I?" Reid asked himself

The wind blew harder and Reid started shivering violently. Morgan quickly leaned over and wrapped his arms around Reid who slid off the branch into his arms. Morgan lowered him to the ground where Hotch and Rossi enveloped him in blankets but Reid refused to go inside and sat down on the bench shivering. Morgan took a seat next to him and put an arm around him. After few minutes Rossi spoke

"Spencer please come inside, you're still very weak."

"I don't know how to do this, I want to go back to work, bury everything. When I try and work things out I lash out and people get hurt."

"Spencer we got hurt because we were helping you, we don't regret anything. All we want is for you to keep talking to us and letting us take care of you." Hotch said taking a seat on the bench

"Rossi would it be alright if Garcia came over, I would really like to see her." Reid said after a few minutes

"I'll call her, I'm sure she'd be happy to come over."

Reid nodded and stood, he walked slowly back to the house refusing aid from the others. Reid managed to get to the den and collapsed on the sofa shivering uncontrollably, but was covered in sweat. Rossi left with Hotch, while Morgan built up the fire as high as he could. Hotch strode quickly back into the room with blankets practically burying Reid under four of them. Rossi came in a few minutes later with medicine and water. Reid took three pills and drank the water and then collapsed into a ball.

"Spencer you should go to bed, we'll send Garcia to you when she comes."

Reid shook his head "Last night was the first time I can remember sleeping through the night without a single nightmare."

Morgan and Hotch looked at him but it was Rossi who explained "Reid fell asleep on this couch watching Star Trek."

The two men smiled slightly, Hotch instantly brought over some pillows and Rossi helped Reid stand and they quickly made up a bed. Morgan found the Star Trek and was moving to put it on but Reid who was leaning on Rossi shook his head

"Rossi do you have Star Wars?" Reid asked

"I think so, Morgan could you help Reid while I go look?"

Morgan hurried over and took supported Reid's weight as Hotch finished making up the couch and they quickly helped Reid lay down. Reid however sat up and looked Hotch straight in the eye

"Why did they call you? I know Gideon arranged to look after Nathan but I though the arrangement ended when he left."

"Everything Jason worked on was handed over to me when he left. Gideon had arranged to be informed if Nathan Harris was ever released and I got the call. It's been such a long time I didn't know if you even remembered Nathan. I did talk with his doctor and he assured me Nathan was not a threat to anyone."

"They were wrong." Was all Reid was able to say before Rossi came back with Garcia

Garcia was laden down with bags which Morgan quickly took. Rossi set up the DVD of Star Wars Episode 4, while Hotch helped Morgan empty the bags. Upon seeing Penolope Reid had ridden to his feet once she was free of her bags and coat Reid took two shaky steps toward her, Garcia quickly covered the remaining distant and allowed Reid to envelope her in a hug. They hugged for a minute before Garcia broke away and made him sit on the sofa. Reid took her hand and gestured for him to sit down beside him.

"Penelope did I do the right thing when I saved Nathan Harris?" Reid asked softly studying the floor

"Yes, yes you did, he was a kid saving him was the only thing you could have done."

"But he killed three women, by saving his life I condemned three other people to death. Their blood is on my hands." Reid said removing his hand from hers and rubbing them together like Lady Macbeth

Garcia grabbed his hands "No, no it's not even if you had known what he'd do you would have still saved his life because you are a good person. Spencer Reid you try so hard to help people and sometimes the people you help let you down or do terrible things, that doesn't make you responsible for their choices or their actions. "

Reid raised his eyes to her face and stared into her eyes looking for deception or disdain but upon finding only compassion and understanding he started crying as Garcia gently put her arms around him and just held him tight.

 **A/N Information about Nathan but I'm not done with him yet. Please let me know your thoughts, favorite if you like the story and follow if you want to see Reid finally start to recover and learn what happened between him and Nathan.**


	11. Chapter 11

Reid tried to pull away after a few minutes but Garcia refused to let go. Morgan stayed behind while Rossi and Hotch left the room and went to his study. Rossi pulled out his finest Scotch aged fifty years ago from Scotland, he filled two glasses and the two men sipped it quietly for a few minutes.

"So Aaron what do we do?" Rossi asked breaking the contemplative silence

"Reid is opening up, experience emotions again instead of suppressing them all good signs. However he needs more help then we can give him and he still doesn't fully trust us. He's been with you a week and is talking to us but Reid still needs more help then we can give him. I'm been looking into therapists he needs anti depressives but also constant supervision. How long are you willing to look after him Dave?"

"I wasn't involved with the Nathan Harris case but I have seen this before. Agents, Cops who let a killer get away through lack of evidence, usually they can learn to live with it but some break. I've been where Spencer is now and it's not easy to come back, Jason didn't. I'll help him as long as I can he's a good man and a good Agent and he's so young. Why did you hire him Aaron he's only a kid and he was even younger when he joined what was he barely twenty when he joined the bureau?"

"It was Jason's call, I honestly took him because he was a genius and I didn't want to lose Jason. I thought having a prodigy would help him stay and keep him going. It did for a few years before it became too much for him." Hotch abruptly changed the subject "We need to find out what happened to Nathan Harris and what happened between him and Reid."

"We promised we wouldn't look into his affairs." Rossi said taking a long drink of his scotch

"He opened the door by talking about Nathan; he had to know we'd investigate after mentioning he'd killed three women." Hotch said

"Aaron he's drunk and mentally broken he trusted us with this knowledge and trusted us to help him, we break his trust we lose him forever."

"I'm sure Nathan is not a threat anymore, Reid would make sure of it, but I need answers. I'm going to go home, but I'll come back tomorrow. I'd like it if you'd allow Garcia and Morgan to stay the night we can't let Spencer be alone."

"Yes of course, I'll be glad of the help. Reid's started opening up but every time he has he's hurt himself or put himself in a dangerous situation."

The two men finished their drinks and walked back to the den. Reid was curled up on the sofa watching Greedo and Han talk. Morgan was sitting in a chair next to him, while Garcia was fixing a plate of food from the various foods she had laid out on the coffee table. Pastries of all kinds were laid out on the table, the coffee, liquor, water, and cups were on the sideboard. Hotch signaled for Garcia and Morgan to step into the hallway. Garcia put down her plate and both stood and left the room, Reid's eyes following them then Rossi as he took Morgan's seat.

"How is he doing?" Hotch asked shutting the door

"He cried for a few minutes then tried to leave the room. Garcia stopped him the first time and I stopped him the next three times. He's calm but I don't know how long that's going to last." Morgan said

"I'm going to go home but I want you and Garcia to stay here, you both know that the chances of Reid injuring himself or killing himself have increased since he opened up."

"So we're here for suicide watch, Hotch I'm happy to help Reid but this it's not what I do, I'm sorry." Garcia protested tears in her eyes

"I know and I'm hate to put you in this position but Reid asked for you, he trusts you and it would really help him if you could stay." Hotch said putting a hand on her arm

Garcia didn't say a word but glanced at the door to the Den, then silently nodded her consent. Morgan however wasn't having it, he walked into Reid's bedroom and then turned on Hotch who followed him

"So we get stuck watching Reid and you get to go home. Garcia isn't trained for this and if Reid somehow hurts himself under her watch it will scar her for life. How can you put Penelope in this position?" Morgan demanded

"Reid asked for her and I know it's unfair but he needs people he can trust. At the moment he's willing to listen to me but he doesn't trust me. If I leave hopefully he'll continue to open up to Rossi, Garcia, and you. I'm going to come back tomorrow and every day after to show that I'm here for him but he's guarded around me it wouldn't help if I stayed."

Morgan stared at him then left the room. Hotch sighed picked up the four books Reid had on his nightstand and walked back to the study. He handed the books to Reid who was sitting up and talking with Garcia and Morgan. Reid was still shivering slightly but there were no noticeable signs of sweat. Hotch handed Reid the books

"I'm going to leave now Spencer, I'll see you tomorrow."

"You're going to investigate Nathan Harris aren't you?" Reid asked staring Hotch straight in the eyes

"You know I don't have a choice, I'll call Emily and we're going to go over the case tomorrow. Is there anything else you'd like to tell me before I go?" Hotch asked

"Let Penelope leave, I know why you're having her stay and I don't want her to be ever be involved in this kind of situation." Reid said

"It's her choice; I'm not forcing her to do anything." Hotch said

Reid practically growled at Hotch's statement and looked ready to attack him, Garcia swiftly put a hand on his shoulder

"Spencer it's my choice, I want to help you, let me stay." She said quietly but with gentle force

Reid rose to his feet but swayed and was forced to lean on Morgan for support. He stared steadily at Hotch but neither man backed down finally Reid said fine but he glared daggers at Hotch. Hotch left and Morgan and Garcia stayed. The next two days passed quietly, Rossi, Morgan, and Garcia never gave Reid any opportunity to hurt himself, the only time he was alone was when he went to the bathroom or got clean. Garcia and Morgan both left to get clothes and food but returned quickly. Reid went outside with Garcia every day during the next two days and talked quietly with her. Reid didn't share any confidences with Morgan but he slowly and with noticeable reluctance let Morgan help him get to his room, make up the couch, and other things. Unfortunately the nightmares returned, but Garcia was able to sooth Reid and get him back to sleep. Emily and Hotch came over once a day for an early dinner and a movie before leaving. Reid endured their visits but was noticeably uncomfortable and refused to speak a word. JJ was busy with Henry and Will who had developed a nasty cold and couldn't come over. Sunday evening after Morgan and Garcia had left, Reid and Rossi went outside.

"Dave do you want me to leave?" Reid asked sipping his whiskey

"No, why would you even think that?" Dave asked leaning against a tree

"I'm a bother, a burden, I'm not worth all the trouble everyone has taken."

"You're not, I know we've said this often but you are a good man, almost as good as Garcia." Rossi said with a smile "Spencer, Jason saw something in you and took great pains to cultivate it. You're a brilliant agent who has devolved good instincts, a caring, emphatic heart, and a drive for justice. Even without all that you are still a human being who has harmed no one and has sought to help others you are worth saving." Rossi said walking over to Reid and putting a hand on his shoulder

"How can I accept what you say, I locked up my own mother, I've killed people, some of the people we've helped have killed others, sometimes I think my only use is my genius and even that has failed me at times." Reid said

"Everyone in the BAU has dealt with and experienced the worst humanity was to offer, we know good and evil and recognize it. We can all see you are a good man who means a lot to all of us. Trust us kid if you won't worth saving we wouldn't be taking this much trouble."

Reid bowed his head and rubbed his arms. They stayed outside for an hour before Reid started shivering and Rossi wrapped him in a blanket and bustled him inside. Monday evening Hotch came over with the rest of the team and they assembled in the living room.

"Spencer how are you doing?" Hotch asked

"I'm fine, how are you?" Reid challenged sitting in the same armchair he had taken during the previous confrontation though with a glass of whiskey in hand instead of scotch

"I'm fine, Emily and I investigated Nathan Harris as you know. He was released into his mother's custody from the mental hospital but disappeared after two days. He killed two prostitutes and a college student coming home late from a night club. They found evidence linking him to all three crimes along with his confession when he turned himself in. However he was badly beaten and had a self inflicted gunshot wound when he entered the police station and died of his wounds the next day. Do you know anything about that Spencer?"

Instead of answering Reid downed his whiskey, poured himself a second glass and walked over the cabinets and leaned against them.

 **A/N Please Review, Follow, or Favorite**


	12. Chapter 12

Reid stared at Hotch and drank half his glass before answering. "I killed him, anymore questions?"

Rossi and Hotch analyzed him, JJ, and Emily were dismayed, Morgan looked ready to chew Reid out though for what no one knew, and Garcia just looked at Reid with understanding waiting for him to speak.

"No you didn't, if you had you would have confessed, if not to me to Nathan's mother." Hotch said after Reid didn't speak

"Maybe I did and she didn't want the truth to come out, she wanted to protect me."

"The man who killed her son? That's highly unlikely." Rossi said

"Your right after we got back from Nelson, Nathan Harris's mom Sarah came to see me. Nathan had been missing for three days and she asked if I had heard from him. I said no, we talked and she asked me to look for him. I agreed, I spent two days on the streets trying to track him down. I found Claire Barnes on the third day. She had been stabbed five times in the stomach and left to die on the floor of an abandoned house. I got out my cell phone to call for an ambulance, I was able to dial before I was hit on the back of the head and knocked unconscious. When I woke up Nathan was kneeling next to me a knife in his hand." Reid finished his whiskey and poured himself a third glass and quickly finished it trying to drown out his memories, he poured himself a fourth glass

"I had only been unconscious for a few minutes I think. Nathan was dressed in black he had a long hunting knife in his hand; his hair was still cut short but his face…" Reid stopped and stared at the wall he then directed his confession to the wall instead of Hotch "He told me that girl was a filthy whore she deserved to die, Nathan then said I had killed her, her blood was on my hands." Reid suddenly laughed unhinged, desperate, and disbelieving "I said the stupidest thing I said of course there was; I was trying to save her life before you hit me. Nathan was furious and tried to plunge the knife into my stomach, I grabbed his wrist and we struggled for control of the knife. Suddenly there were sirens in the distance, we both stopped and froze, Nathan recovered first he wrenched his wrist from my hand and ran off. I got to my feet but I fell against the wall and the room spun. Somehow I got out of the room, the house and chased after Nathan, I couldn't let him go." Reid stopped completely and leaned against the wall.

Reid stared into the distance rubbing his head, completely silent. JJ came over to him after a couple of minutes and put a gentle hand on his arm

"Spence it's alright, whatever happened we're here for you."

Reid started and looked at her "I can't really remember what happened after I left the house, I remember running I think and then all of a sudden I'm in an alley, Nathan is in front of me. My gun is somehow in my hand and I'm aiming it straight at his heart." Reid stopped again

"Spence he had a knife, you had every right to point a weapon at him, even to shoot him if he tried to attack you." JJ said softly, but with gentle conviction

"No, no he's unarmed I don't see the knife at all, oh God JJ I'm aiming a gun at an unarmed man and my finger is on the trigger. All I want to do is squeeze the trigger, the woman he killed, other female victims we've seen flash through my mind and their killer coalesces into this one man in front of me. I see him in black, no weapon, his face haunted, desperate, his eyes asking me to kill him and I start pulling the trigger but I don't shoot somehow I don't pull the trigger, I lower the gun and he's on me. The gun falls to the ground as do we and there's nothing but flailing fists and the knife Nathan somehow has in his hand. We roll around on the ground until suddenly the knife is out of Nathan's hand and a gun is there. I grab it and aim it away from me, we fight for control of the gun and it goes off. We roll away from each other and stare at each other stunned then I see red blossoming on Nathan's shirt. I go over to him and put my hands on his shirt trying to see his wound. He shoves my hands away and tells me it's done, he's not worth saving. I tell him he needs to make things right; he doesn't have the right to take the easy way out. Nathan stares at me for a minute then nods and gets to his feet and slowly walks out the alley leaning against a building. I get to my feet and follow him out of the alley." Reid finished his story and his whiskey.

JJ put a gentle hand on his arm and tried to lead him to a chair but Reid didn't budge. JJ didn't push it, but instead kept her hand on his arm as he slowly came back from his memories. After five minutes Hotch got up and walked over to them. JJ stepped aside as Hotch took control

"Spencer I need to know what happened after you and Nathan left the alley." Hotch said putting a gentle hand on Reid's shoulder

Reid jumped in surprise and the glass fell from his hand and shattered on the floor. Reid looked at Hotch then around the room at the other members of the team in surprise as if he had forgotten they were there. Reid then looked at Hotch and raised his hand to his mouth then looked puzzled when the glass wasn't there. Reid shook himself and lowered his arm. He looked at the broken glass on the floor then answered Hotch

"I followed him to a police station, and then I went to the Emergency Room." Reid said

He then pushed past Hotch and left the room. Rossi sighed grabbed a glass of whiskey and followed him with Garcia. Hotch resumed his seat as did JJ.

"Did Nathan Harris's account match up with what Reid told us?" Morgan asked reluctantly not wanting to question Reid but needing confirmation

"He did kill a prostitute Claire Barnes at an abandoned house; the police received an anonymous 911 call which allowed them to find her. Nathan turned himself into a police station a few blocks away, his injuries were consistent with the fight Reid described and it is quite probable that the gunshot wound occurred during a struggle. I'm going to need to talk to Sarah Harris and look at Reid's medical records."

They discussed the case and Reid for twenty minutes before Reid, Rossi, and Garcia came back. They were quiet, Reid's face was shuttered deep in thought, his feet dragged and he looked exhausted. He was also dead drunk which was evident when he tripped on his feet and almost fell to the floor. Rossi grabbed him and steadied him. Garcia led him over the armchair and helped him sit. Hotch spoke

"Did Reid tell you anything else, like why he didn't talk to any of us, or accompany Harris inside?"

"No, he had a fifth glass of whiskey and stared at the sky, he's too drunk to answer any more questions."

"I do have more questions for him but for the moment I'm going to find a therapist that specializes in post traumatic stress and investigate Reid's story. Morgan I want you and JJ to talk to Sarah Harris get her side of the story, Emily I want you to talk to the policemen who took Harris's statement along with the first officers on the scene of Harris's last crime scene. Garcia I want you to work from here and keep an eye on Reid he trusts you and he confided at least parts of this story to you." Hotch waited for Garcia to nod before continuing "I'm going to check Reid's medical records and talk to the doctor who treated him that night." Hotch laid out his plan everyone nodded their agreement but looked at Reid who was curled up in his chair

"Aaron if you think I'm guilty of killing Nathan Harris I'll write a confession and kill myself I won't go to jail." Reid slurred drunkenly

"No I don't think you are, I think you saw the worst parts of yourself and are having a hard time reconciling yourself to them." Hotch went to say more when Reid threw up and toppled out of his chair

 **A/N Lot's of back story, I tried to do justice to Nathan's character and Reid's let me know how you thought I did. I love all reviews positive or negative so please review or if you don't feel like writing Follow, Favorite to let me know your interested.**


	13. Chapter 13

Morgan caught him before he fell in his own puke. Morgan adjusted Reid until he was holding him bridal style and started walking to the door

"Where are you taking him?" Hotch asked

"The den, it will be easier to keep him on his side."

"Not until I put plastic on the sofa and the floor." Rossi said

Everyone stared at him

"What my carpeting is expensive as is my couch." Rossi explained

Emily, JJ, and Hotch stood and Morgan put Reid who was completely passed out now on the couch propping his head up with a pillow. Rossi went to get plastic sheets when the door bell rang. Rossi went to answer it, while Hotch and JJ went to get cleaning supplies. As the two walked to the front of the house toward the kitchen they saw Rossi talking to a young woman with long blonde hair holding a covered plate in her hands.

"I'm sorry I didn't realize you had company, I brought over some cookies for Dr. Reid I was hoping Rossi could bring those over to him." Joan said as they walked over

"That was very kind of you. Spencer is still very sick but he will be so happy to hear you made these for him." JJ said taking the plate

"It wasn't that kind, I was baking cookies for a party and I made too many." Joan protested

"Still it was very thoughtful of you, you know Spencer has been reading that Bradbury book so much I'm afraid it's going to fall apart soon." Rossi said

"It's a high quality book it should last for years, but I'm glad he likes it."

"He loves Science Fiction, Aaron Hotchner it's nice to meet you." Hotch said holding out his hand

"Joan Wick, well I should go, it was nice to see you guys again." Joan said shaking his hand

She left Rossi closing the door behind her. Hotch raised an eyebrow at Rossi but didn't say anything. JJ, and Hotch got the cleaning supplies and Rossi the plastic. They made up the couch in the den again, though with a plastic sheet on the floor and under the blankets on the couch. Morgan moved Reid there and put a bucket near his head and a glass of water on the coffee table. The members of the BAU minus Rossi left soon after the floor the clean and everything was picked up.

Reid woke up the next morning in the den, he threw up in the bucket which already had vomit in it and staggered to his feet. Morgan came in when he was only a few steps away from the door.

"Hey kid how are you feeling?" Morgan asked gently putting an arm around him

"Hungover, what happened?"

"You drank five glasses of whiskey within thirty minutes, and then passed out. Do you remember what you told us?"

Reid was silent, then opened his mouth then shut it, instead he started violently scratching his arms. Morgan gently but firmly grabbed both hands and held them until Reid stopped struggling. Morgan released his hands and guided him back to the sofa, where they both sat down.

"Reid it's alright, Hotch is going to investigate what you said, but he's not going to charge you with anything. Rossi has connections at the Mayfair Institute where Harris was staying so he went there. I'm going to keep you company until he gets back."

Reid didn't say anything; he just sat on the sofa quietly

"Why don't you get cleaned up okay?" Morgan said after a few minutes

Reid nodded and got to his feet. The two men walked to the bedroom. Reid grabbed some clothes and entered the bathroom but came out immediately

"There's no lock." He said demanding an answer

"We removed it yesterday, along with the lock on your bedroom and the two other bathrooms."

"Why?"

"Because you are suicidal; we were willing to give you the benefit of the doubt before and trust you but yesterday's events has forced our hand. Until we start seeing progress, you are under suicide watch."

"Wasn't my telling you guys what happened progress?" Reid said heatedly

"Yes, but you know these situations usually go, just have patience."

Reid glared at him and went back into the bathroom slamming the door for good measure. After twenty minutes with the shower still running Morgan opened the door, he saw Reid's silhouette standing under the running shower and hastily shut the door. Ten minutes later Reid came out dressed in sweat pants, a t-shirt, and a sweater, his skin was slightly red as if he had been trying to burn himself with the water. They went to the kitchen for breakfast where Reid spied the cookies Joan had left on the counter

"Did Garcia bring these over?" Reid asked looking at them

"Joan did, she asked Rossi to give those to you." Morgan said pulling out a pot for oatmeal

Reid didn't smile or even give any indication he was pleased with Joan's continued interest, he simply put the cover back on and poured himself coffee. After breakfast was made and eaten, Reid had taken Morgan's hangover cure, and the two men had their second cups of coffee in hand they went back to the den. Reid curled up on the couch, while Morgan took the bucket to the bathroom. Morgan made a fire and the two men watched Star Trek, with Reid pointing all the physics and science mistakes. Rossi came back at three; he walked into the den and handed a grocery bag to Reid

"Here Reid, I got you something."

Reid opened it to reveal his favorite coffee

"Fancy coffee, is this supposed to make me reconciled to a lack of locks and constant supervision." Reid said sardonically

"I know this is hard but you'll get better and things will go back to normal." Rossi said

"What did you find out about Nathan?" Morgan broke in trying to avoid a blowup from Reid

"Dr. Swallow said that Nathan was a model patient, a perfect candidate for release. At first Nathan was sullen, withdrawn, and uncooperative; as time passed he opened up started talking to the doctors, went to group, and later participated in various activities the hospital offered."

"Did he say anything about Reid? Any indication he harbored a grudge against him?" Morgan asked

"Dr. Swallow said that Nathan seemed slightly happier every time he heard from Reid. He never said if he blamed Reid for saving his life." Rossi said clearing withholding information

Reid didn't comment and just stared into the fire. Rossi took the coffee and left to put away the rest of the groceries. Morgan stayed for dinner and then left, Reid moved back into his room but woke Rossi up with his screaming. Rossi hurried into the bedroom to find Reid thrashing on the bed covered in sweat grappling with a phantom. Rossi instantly turned on the lights and called Reid's name, when that failed he shook Reid hard. Reid responded by punching him in the eye forcing Rossi to move away from the bed. Rossi grabbed the water glass on the nightstand and sprinkled water on Reid which woke him up

"Rossi?" Reid asked sitting up

"You were having a nightmare kid, I could you hear you from my bedroom."

"I'm sorry. Your eye, did I do that?" Reid asked

"It's not your fault, I'm fine. I got some sleeping pills if you want one." Rossi offered

Reid nodded eagerly, though his hands strayed to his arms clearly wanting his old methods of comfort. Rossi hurriedly grabbed the bottle from his room which he kept locked during the day and brought it to Reid. Reid took two pills and fell back asleep, Rossi stayed, taking the arm chair and reading the Martian Chronicles until he dozed off himself. When Reid woke up he started then gave a slight smile when he saw Rossi. Neither man spoke about the events of last night but spent the morning outside taking breakfast by the pond, then reading the papers. After lunch they went into the den and watched Casablanca and other classics. At four thirty Hotch came over with a big black bag

"Reid I spoke to the doctor who treated you that night. He said you had a severe concussion, several slash marks on your torso along with stab wounds on your right shoulder and left thigh, along with a multitude of bruises and four cracked ribs. I need to take a look at you and make sure your injuries have healed." Hotch said in a tone that brooked no argument

Rossi held up a hand "Reid did you see anyone after that night?"

Reid didn't answer he just sighed and pulled off his sweatshirt and t-shirt. His torso had scars some years old, the latest were light slash marks and a stab wound both looked fairly new. Hotch examined Reid's torso, ribs, and head and found no damage. They went to the bathroom to make sure the stab wound on his thigh was healed. They came back and Rossi cleaned and bandaged the cut on Reid's arm. Rossi then left to make dinner, while Hotch took out some books, clothes, DVD's and letters.

"I went to your apartment and got your mail, some more clothes, and books. Garcia sent you Dr. Who and Twilight Zone" He said

"Thanks." Reid said putting the stuff on the coffee table

"I also found a therapist a Psychiatrist who specializes in trauma. I made an appointment for you to see him tomorrow."

Reid sighed but didn't say anything; he seemed resigned to do anything Hotch ordered him to do. They sat in silence until Rossi called them for dinner. After they ate, Rossi brought in Joan's cookies and three half full glasses of scotch.

"Reid did you see Dr. Harris after the fight with Nathan?" Hotch asked

Reid's eyes instantly grew haunted and his face flashed with shame and guilt.

 **A/N Please let me know your thoughts, all comments welcome or show your interest by following, favorting.**


	14. Chapter 14

Reid finished his scotch and looked around for the bottle but Rossi had already put it away. Reid stood and started to go to the kitchen but Hotch intercepted him

"Spencer I need an answer, did you see Sarah Harris after she asked you to look for her son."

Reid sighed and studied the ground before he stared defiantly at Hotch "Yes." He said

"What did she want?" Hotch asked

"Answers."

"Did you tell her what happened?"

"I confirmed everything Nathan had told her."

"What happened after you confirmed Nathan's story?"

"You already talked to Sarah; you don't need anything from me."

"Just tell me what happened please." Hotch asked gently but firmly

Reid's hand strayed to his arm and he stared fixedly at the floor his defiance gone. Hotch waited patiently not saying a word as Reid remembered

"She was in my apartment; she told me that Nathan had confessed to killing three women. She said that Nathan had told her everything, but she wanted to hear it from me. I told her what happened that night and she listened in silence. Sarah started pacing and" Reid broke off and gripped his arm so tight his fingers turned white "She started speaking getting angrier and angrier saying I killed Nathan, I killed those three innocent women, it was my fault, all my fault." Reid broke off and shook his head consumed by guilt and pain, Hotch put a gentle hand on his shoulder and Reid forced himself to finish "I didn't hear everything she said I had to leave the room I hurried to the bathroom, when I came out again she was gone."

"Sarah said she heard glass break, was that when you broke your mirror?" Hotch asked

Reid didn't answer he just ducked away from Hotch's hand and went to his bedroom. Rossi opened the door and Reid went into the bathroom. Rossi kept the door open a sliver and went to the den which was down the hall from Reid's bedroom. Hotch was there reading from a notebook from his bag

"Did Reid's account match up with Dr. Harris's?" Rossi asked

"Yes." Hotch said looking up from his writing "She said that Nathan confessed everything to her but made her swear not to tell anyone. According to Sarah, Nathan lured Reid to the house with the intention of killing him. Nathan wanted Reid to know he was responsible for the women's deaths and to admit he was wrong to save him."

"That matches with what I learned at the hospital. After Nathan was first admitted he didn't say much but he would write violent graphic fantasies about killing women. After Reid would visit or talk to him he stopped and was more receptive to talking to the doctors. When Reid stopped coming Nathan withdrew into himself, stopped talking and stayed in his room as much as he could. Time passed and Nathan started opening up again, he started studying anatomy which worried the doctors but he told them he wanted to study medicine. Time passed he become a model patient. It was only after he was released that they found writing in the pages of his medical book that show he still had an interest in killing." Rossi said

"If he wanted revenge on Reid why not tell the police what happened? Reid would have been questioned at the very least and possibly even arrested, why would Nathan conceal their last encounter?" Hotch asked

"Because Spencer gave him what he wanted; peace and justice for his crimes. Reid didn't kill Nathan but he ended up dying anyway. I think in the end Nathan realized he was the one truly responsible for his actions and possibly felt remorse for trying to kill the one man who understood him and still tried to help him." Rossi theorized

"I don't think we'll ever know, even his mother has no idea. I have no evidence against Reid; the bullet passed through Nathan and wasn't recovered, his body was cremated and Dr. Harris can only testify to what Nathan told her. Emily went to the scene but the house had been abandoned for years, the police collected evidence but after Nathan confessed they stopped and wrapped up. We don't know what alley Nathan was shot in and even if I wanted to I can't use Reid's confession. Reid is safe from criminal charges and I doubt Dr. Harris would bring a wrongful death suit against him." Hotch said shutting his notebook

"Reid will be relieved to hear it." Rossi said

Reid who had apparently been eavesdropping came in just then.

"Relieved, no justice for Nathan or for the women he killed. I'm free and clear despite all the harm I did." Reid said brokenly

"Spencer it wasn't your fault, you saved a kid's life, you made sure he had help. Even after you saved his life you still reached out to him and that night you were out there trying to save him." Hotch said

"It didn't matter he still died, those women died; Claire Barnes, Sarah Smith, and Anne Deston. This job we catch killers, but there are also more killers to catch, we kill people but their blood doesn't wipe the slate clean, it's just more death. "Reid said

"Your right Spencer there are always more murderers, more kidnappers, more people hurting other people but we catch them and we save people. How many more people would Tobias Hankle have killed, Phillip Dowd, even Nathan Harris; their deaths saved countless lives." Rossi said

Reid didn't say anything but walked outside climbed up the tree overlooking the pond. Hotch and Rossi both came outside and the three men remained outside for half an hour before Reid went inside. Hotch left soon after but came back the next morning to take Reid to see Dr. Abelson. Reid had taken two sleeping pills and so had had a peaceful night's sleep but he was still jittery and anxious. Reid made himself a thermos of coffee but didn't eat any food.

"Dave are you going to work?" Reid asked seeing Rossi waiting by the door

"No I'm going with you and Hotch. You have a tendency to disappear on us."

Reid looked ready to retort but bit back his words and took a long drink of his coffee. The ride to Dr. Abelson's office was only twenty minutes and Reid seemed to get calmer and more controlled the longer they drove. By the time they got there Reid had finished his coffee and was leaning back in his seat looking quite relaxed. After they exited the car Hotch grabbed the thermos from the cup holder and sniffed it

"Reid how much whiskey did you put in here?" Hotch demanded

"Enough." Reid said

"Spencer I know talking to someone especially a therapist is not easy but you need to do this." Hotch said shutting the car door

"I know that, it doesn't mean I have to do it sober." Reid said walking to the building

Rossi and Hotch looked at each other and then followed Reid. When they got inside Reid gave his name to the receptionist, after that it was only a ten minute wait. Dr. Abelson a man in his mid thirties came and introduced himself and didn't even raise an eyebrow at Reid's escort. Reid talked to the doctor for an hour, when they came out Dr. Abelson asked to meet with Hotch privately they talked for twenty minutes and then the three men left. They were on the third floor but instead of taking the elevator Hotch led them into the stairwell. They walked down a flight of steps to the next landing before Hotch spoke

"What did you say to Dr. Abelson Reid?"

"I just answered his questions and agreed to try medication." Reid said too innocently

"Aaron what's going on?" Rossi asked

"Dr. Abelson seems to think Reid will able to return to work in a few days. He told me that Reid promised he won't self harm anymore and will significantly reduce his drinking and talk to his friends if something is troubling him. He recommended that I keep Reid's gun for the time being but that Reid should be well enough to recertify in a month or two." Hotch said angrily

Rossi turned to Reid in disbelief then actually started laughing

"Aaron you can't be angry at Reid you know we wrote the book on human behavior and physiological disorders. It's not surprising Reid was able to fool him. Did he at least write Reid prescriptions for Anti-depressives and anti- anxiety medication?"

"He did and" Hotch turned to stare at Reid "You will take these medications without a word of complaint as long as I think you need them."

Reid glared at him and started down the stairs. Hotch shook his head slightly but followed with Rossi. The three men went to a nearby Creole restaurant before going back to Rossi's house where Hotch left for Quantico. Reid went into his bedroom and didn't come out until dinner. After dinner he and Rossi went to a drugstore for the medication. At the drugstore Rossi picked up Reid's prescriptions while Reid picked out some toothpaste, and other things he needed. Ross then drove to a florist's and bought a bouquet of flowers. He then drove Reid to the bookstore

"What are we doing here?" Reid asked

"We are delivering flowers to Joan Wicks, I already checked she is working tonight and you are going to thank her for the book, the brownies and the cookies." Rossi said and exited the car

"I, I can't." Reid protested staying the passenger seat

"You can and you will." Rossi said going to the back seat and pulling out the bouquet

Reid slowly got out of the car and followed Rossi to the bookstore. When they got inside a sales clerk pointed them toward the back. They found Joan sorting books to be re-shelved, Rossi gave Reid a slight push and went to a nearby ally which happened to be full of graphic novels

"Hello Joan I got you these as a thank you for everything." Reid said handing them over

"Thank you, there beautiful." Joan said putting down the three books she was holding and taking them "I'm going to put these in water." She said walking to the employee break room

Reid followed her, since the room was within view Rossi stayed where he was and picked up Watchmen. Reid came out twenty minutes later with a slight bounce to his step Joan beside him. Reid didn't say a word to Rossi but started walking out the store. Neither man said a word on the ride over but both were content with the silence. When they got home Reid but went to his room, at three in the morning Rossi heard Reid exit the house and followed. He found Reid drinking from a bottle and staring down at the pond

"Spencer what's wrong?" Rossi said cautiously approaching Reid

"I had a dream." Reid took a long drink" I was in a house kneeling over a body, a knife in my hand. There's so much blood it all over my clothes, my hands, it's dripping onto the body as I hold it over her stomach." Reid took another drink as Rossi got to him but Reid didn't continue

"You dreamed about Claire Barnes and the night you found her." Rossi said softly

"No and yes, the body isn't Claire's it's Joan's and Nathan didn't kill her I did." Reid said

 **A/N About the liquor yes Rossi did hide it but this is Reid and he found and stashed a couple of bottles. Please tell me what you like or didn't like or just let me know your interested by Following, Favoriting.**


	15. Chapter 15

Rossi didn't say anything but looked at the sky as Reid continued his contemplation of the water. After a spell Rossi gently took the Scotch from Reid and put an arm around the shivering man. Reid briefly pulled away but then let Rossi guide him back into the house and to his bed. Rossi looked at him and then went to the den and sat in silent contemplation for an hour before going to his own bed. In the morning Rossi got up at eight and checked on Reid who was still asleep. Rossi gave a gentle smile at the sight of a giant FBI Agent curled up under the covers searching for protection like a child. Rossi half closed the door and went to the kitchen where he made: coffee, eggs, bacon, pancakes, and a fruit salad. At nine when Reid still hadn't come out, Rossi woke him up and brought him to the table before the food got cold. After Reid had finished half his plate Rossi spoke

"You need to take your medication, are you going to cooperate or should I put them in your coffee?" Rossi said with a slight smile

"I'll take the pills." Reid said pushing away his plate "Is that the reason you made such a nice breakfast to make sure I'd take my medication?"

"No, I made it because I like cooking and I thought you could use something nice after last night." Rossi said returning from the kitchen with the pills.

Reid took the pills but didn't resume eating. After a few minutes Rossi spoke again. "Kid if you aren't going to keep eating I want you to get a shower and get dressed we need to talk."

Reid swallowed nervously, but did as Rossi requested. After Reid was dressed, Rossi had him put on sneakers and drove to the same forest Reid had gone to when he fell into the river. The two men walked in the woods for half an hour until they got to a meadow, sunlight illuminating the entire field. Reid paced the field before turning to Rossi.

"Why are we here?"

"I thought this would be a good place to talk." Rossi said pulling out a flask from his jacket pocket and taking a drink before handing it to Reid.

Reid took a drink but didn't hand it back, he just stood there and waited for Rossi to continue.

"The dream you had about Joan, that's not the first one you've had about killing someone is it?" Rossi said

"No, it's usually flashbacks to the Unsubs I've had to kill. This past month I've had nightmares about Harris trying to kill me, watching him kill those women unable to help, even a few times helping him kill them or." Reid broke off and gulped down half the flask. "Or I'm standing over the body of a woman knife in hand but I don't know how I got there, if I helped kill her, if I killed her but I have such a deep feeling of revulsion, of horror, and then I wake up without knowing what happened." Reid said

"The night Morgan found out you were self harming you said you had a nightmare and that was why you drank and cut yourself, what were you dreaming about then?" Rossi asked

"I don't remember, I just know it was bad. These dreams keep me up at night, but I never drank when I had work, at least not more than one glass." Reid admitted in a low voice

"When you had those dreams did you feel excited? Happy? Aroused? "Rossi asked

"No, God no I felt horrified, disgusted, I would sometimes vomit when I woke up. I avoided sleeping my bed, I didn't want to sleep."

"Then why would you think you would kill or hurt anyone, you get no satisfaction from even the thought of harming someone else. You're so horrified at the prospect of hurting someone you cut yourself as punishment. Unless there's more that you're not saying I don't think you would ever hurt anyone unless it was in defense of your life or someone else's."

"What if I go crazy, suddenly snap, it's happened."

"It has but it's extremely rare, you don't have the temperament to kill people. Even if you have schizophrenia it doesn't mean you'll be violent, your mom is schizophrenic but she hasn't hurt anyone."

Reid didn't reply but looked at the sky and took another drink. After a few minutes Reid started walking back into the forest, Rossi following. They walked for some time and eventually reached the bridge where Reid had almost drowned. Rossi reached into his pocket but Reid turned to him.

"Don't bother; I already took your handcuffs." Reid said holding them out in his palm

"Spencer this is dangerous, the last time you were here you almost died."

Reid didn't say a word but walked steadily to the middle of the bridge keeping straight in the middle of the road. Rossi followed him closely, calling Hotch on speed dial as he did so.

"Reid we should go back to my house, you don't exactly have good luck on this bridge." Rossi said walking over to him.

"I'm not going to jump; I just find this view peaceful." Reid said studying to view before turning to stare at Rossi "You don't think despite the fact that I've killed before that I'm not a killer?"

"Yeah kid, I don't think you are or could ever be one. But I do think you need to talk to someone about these dreams you've been having. Is that why you've been pulling away from the team, you're afraid we'll turn on you."

"You know I don't believe in dream analysis. Your good at this." Reid said ignoring Rossi's last statement

"Good at what?"

"Helping people, getting them to open up and helping them understand themselves."

"What I can say I have a few hidden talents." Rossi said stepping over and putting a hand on Reid's shoulder.

The two men stood on the bridge watching the water flow through the woods.

Reid handed Rossi his flask and stretched his arms over his head "Do we have to go back to your house?"

"Not right away, why?" Rossi asked

"I know you have sleeping pills, but I was thinking if I could get my own and take them every night I could get enough sleep to start thinking clearly."

"We can try that; a good night's sleep does wonders for a person."

"Don't patronize me, I can't stand it. I know I'm the youngest and that I screwed up badly but that doesn't give you the right to talk down to me."

"I'm sorry." Rossi said and walked a few steps away

Reid looked at him but didn't say a word. He returned his gaze to the view before turning and walking off the bridge. Rossi followed slowly but before they got off the bridge they saw Hotch, Morgan, and Emily running through the trees as fast as the wind. They barely slowed down when they exited the forest and hit the road that led onto the bridge. They only slowed when they came upon the bridge and spotted Rossi and Reid waiting for them a mere two feet on the bridge.

"Rossi is everything okay?" Hotch asked walking over to them

"Yes, everything is fine; you didn't have to rush over here." Reid said sharply

"Rossi why would you take Reid here?" Emily asked

"We needed to talk and we didn't go to the bridge, we walked through the woods to a meadow." Rossi said

"You shouldn't have done that, it's too dangerous for Reid to be here." Morgan said

Reid seeing that he was being ignored slipped around the group and started walking down the road. Morgan saw him and grabbed his arm tightly enough for Reid to give a slight groan. Morgan quickly let go and Reid started walking away again. Hotch, Rossi, and Emily had seen the two men and had hurried over surrounding Reid.

Reid glared at them "This is why I didn't want to talk to any of you. None of you trust me enough to take care of myself."

"Spencer you have threatened suicide more than once we can't trust you especially since you keep self harming." Hotch said

"Rossi does, he listens to me, gives me space to think and doesn't get angry." Reid said looking first at Hotch and then at Morgan

"Kid I'm sorry I grabbed you I panicked." Morgan said

Reid looked at Hotch but he didn't say a word. Reid sighed and handed Rossi back his handcuffs and everyone started walking back to the cars. Hotch looked at Rossi but Rossi shook his head and so Hotch, Emily and Morgan drove back to Quantico while Rossi and Reid went back to Rossi's home. Four days after the incident on the bridge the BAU minus Rossi and Reid were gathered in the conference room. Five wealthy socialites had been killed in three weeks in Los Angeles California. JJ briefed the team, before they left for the plane Hotch spoke.

"Reid is going to be travelling us along with Rossi. I did argue with Strauss but Dr. Abelson has seen Reid twice now and has given Reid clearance to resume work though not to have his gun back."

"What, no we can't do this Hotch it's too dangerous." Garcia protested

"We don't have a choice, these orders come direct from Strauss, the case is getting a lot of press and there is a lot of pressure to solve it quickly before a public panic."

 **A/N Please Review or just show your support by Following/ Favoriting.**


	16. Chapter 16

Hotch, Morgan, JJ, and Emily bordered the plane, all lost in their own thoughts. They only had to wait a few minutes before Rossi and Reid joined them. Reid was dressed formally in a suit, vest, and tie, while Rossi was wearing his usual clothes of a jacket, jeans and a button down shirt. Rossi was carrying a small bag, and a bundle of cloth, while Reid had his messenger bag. Reid looked well and rested, but his eyes were haunted and he looked warily at the rest of his team before quickly taking a seat. Rossi unlike Reid greeted everyone before also taking a seat. After takeoff Reid stood and went to the galley for a cup of coffee.

"Hey Reid it's good to see you." Morgan said as Reid exited the galley.

Reid ignored him and tried to sidestep him but Morgan moved with him.

"Here kid, Garcia asked me to give this to you with her love." Morgan said holding out a plastic grocery bag.

Reid took it and without opening it put it beside his messenger bag on the couch. Reid then stepped around Morgan and took a seat facing the large table where Hotch, JJ, and Emily were already seated.

"Agent Hotchner could I see the case files?" Reid asked putting his coffee down.

Hotch handed him a few files and then gave out the others to the others. They went through them silently in order to allow Reid and Rossi to form their own opinions.

"How do we know these cases are connected?" Rossi asked after a minute.

"All five victims were posed with a rose in their hands and surrounded by rose petals, they all worked as actors." JJ said

After ten minutes they started going over the case together; three men and two women dead in the past three weeks all aspiring actors who had just gotten there first break. As they went over the case Reid only spoke when asked a direct question and only provided facts or statistics never his own opinion or theory.

As the debriefing wound down Hotch laid down his plan "Rossi and I will go to the latest crime scene, Morgan, Emily go to the morgue they should have the autopsy results for Thomas Anderson by the time we get there. JJ and Reid go the station get set up and start trying to find any connections between the victims."

Everyone nodded and spread out. Rossi brought out a chessboard and he and Reid started setting up the pieces. Reid soon started shivering; Rossi stood and grabbed the bundle he had brought. Shaking it out, it was revealed to be the blue Star Trek blanket Garcia had given Reid.

"Spencer stand up please." Rossi asked gently

Reid looked at him and stood giving Rossi a gentle annoyed smile as Rossi with familiar ease wrapped the blanket around him. The two men sat and started their chess game but JJ interrupted them before Reid could make his opening move.

"Spence here." JJ said handing him a cup of coffee "I thought you weren't sick anymore."

"I'm not Agent Jareau I just have a hard time maintaining my body temperature." Reid said

"How much weight have you lost in the past two months?" Hotch asked looking up from his case files.

"At least ten pounds." Reid said guardedly

"Dave is Reid eating?" Hotch asked.

"Yes, Aaron I make sure Reid eats three meals a day." Rossi said shortly with slight sarcasm clearly not wishing to discuss the matter.

Hotch gave him a piercing look but then nodded and returned to his papers, while JJ resumed her seat. Rossi and Reid played two games and discussed the case, about an hour before they landed Hotch came over.

"May I play?" He asked after watching Rossi win.

Both men knew Hotch needed to talk to Reid so Rossi nodded and gave up his seat to Hotch. Reid looked at Hotch warily but quickly reset the board. They played for a few minutes before Hotch spoke.

"Everyone is going to share a room; Morgan and I, JJ and Emily, and you and Rossi. I'm going to try to keep you at the station as much as possible and if you need to go anywhere you have to have a member of the team accompany you. If there is anything I can do to help just let me know." Hotch said

"A huge decadent coffee drink every morning and a glass of scotch at dinner?" Reid asked flippantly his eyes on the chess board.

"Are you so addicted to alcohol that you'll develop physical withdrawal symptoms?" Hotch asked

Reid nervously licked his lips before answering "I don't know, I don't think so." He admitted so softly Hotch barely heard him.

Hotch leaned over and took his hand "I'll discuss it with Rossi." He said quietly.

Reid nodded and they both returned to the game. After they landed Reid handed the blanket back to Rossi who was retrieving his gun from Hotch and left the plane. At the station JJ and Reid were met by Chief Bolton who was directly handling the case. They were shown to a conference room in a quiet back corner and they quickly fell to work. Reid started setting up the white boards and working on a geographic profile, while JJ started going through social and work histories trying to find any overlap. Despite the building having AC the day was hot and the two soon started sweating. JJ rolled up her sleeves, while Reid removed his jacket and vest. As the day progressed Reid rolled up his shirtsleeves as well. An hour after they landed Rossi and Hotch returned from the crime scene followed soon after by Morgan and Emily.

"Did you two find any connection between the victims?" Hotch asked

"They all moved to Los Angeles to become actors but they came from all different parts of the US and came here at different times. Thomas Anderson has been here for two years, but Lena Petal just moved here a month ago. They didn't travel in the same circles and Lena barely socialized she was too busy working. Aside from being aspiring actors the only thing they have in common is there killer. "JJ said

"I thought Lena had a role in a TV series, how could she have been working if she only got here a month ago?" Morgan asked

"They held auditions all over the country she got the part in New York and production flew her here and helped her find an apartment." JJ said

"She wouldn't have a lot of time to meet people outside of work." Rossi said.

Reid was looking at the evidence board; he turned to the table wiping sweat out of his eyes as he did so "Agent Morgan did Thomas Anderson"

"Reid your arm." Morgan exclaimed before Reid could finish his question.

The other agents stared at the four red lines faintly showing on the pale skin of Reid's right forearm.

"Spencer you need to cover those up." Hotch ordered.

Reid didn't say anything but swiftly drew his arm behind his back and stared at the floor. Rossi handed him his messenger bag and Reid grabbed it and started for the door.

"Spencer pull down your sleeves." Hotch ordered

Reid blushed, hastily pulled down his sleeves and left the room. Hotch looked at Morgan and Morgan after a few seconds followed Reid but went to talk to a detective on the case. Reid returned two minutes after he left his sleeves still down, Morgan returned a minute later. Reid almost growled when Morgan came in but didn't say anything. He simply returned to the autopsy report he had been looking at.

"Why didn't you reapply your makeup?" Emily asked as soon as Morgan had shut the door.

"I did but I'm almost out." Reid said rolling up his sleeves.

"Out?" JJ questioned.

"Of the makeup I use." Reid said curtly clearing wanting the conversation to end.

"Reid you need to cover up your arms, you can't wear long sleeves the entire time we're here." Morgan said.

"I'll take you to a drugstore after work." Rossi said

Reid shoved his chair back, stood and stuffing his hands in his pockets walked over to the window. He stared at the window his hands clenched into fists until Hotch walked over.

"Spencer I know this hard but we aren't judging you or pitying you, we just want to help." He said putting a hand on Reid's shoulder.

Reid whirled around his face full of anger his hands out his pockets and for a second the team was afraid he would hit Hotch. However Hotch quickly took a step back, his hands outstretched slightly, Reid took a deep breath and then another. He walked past Hotch and sat out the table and quickly scribbled something on a spare note pad. Reid tore of the paper and shoved it at JJ.

"I'll go after we finish up the case." JJ said after reading over the paper again.

Emily took the list from her "We'll both go, it make us some time to find matching equivalents for these."

Reid nodded and Hotch resumed his seat, everyone ignoring the prominent half moon marks on Reid's palms. They worked on the case until six but made little progress. Deciding to start fresh in the morning and with two local detectives running down some information the BAU went to dinner. JJ and Emily had left half an hour before but they called and said they would join them. At the restaurant Hotch ordered four scotches at the bar but discreetly watered down three of them. He gave the watered down Scotches to Morgan, Rossi and kept one for himself, the straight scotch he gave to Reid. Reid didn't say anything but raised his glass slightly in a slight mocking toast to Hotch as he took his first sip. Emily and JJ joined them soon after and handed Reid a bag from Nordstrom's which he put in his messenger bag. The meal was quiet and the atmosphere tense. Everyone was glad when it was over and they headed to the hotel. At midnight another body was found, Hotch quickly woke everyone up. Soon the whole team was mobilized: Hotch, Emily, and Rossi went to the crime scene, JJ went to speak to the press and Morgan and Reid went to the Police Station. Once the conference room Reid who had been moving sluggishly sat in a chair put his head in his hands and didn't move.

 **A/N Please review they greatly encourage me to keep writing and I love to hear people's opinions of my writing. Or just show your interest by Following/Favoriting.**


	17. Chapter 17

Morgan got up and started the coffee maker, then went to work. The coffee maker beeped it was finished after eight minutes; Morgan got up and poured out two cups. He brought them over to the table and set one in front of Reid who had sunk down onto the table, his head on the back of his hands.

"Reid, I made coffee." Morgan said putting a gentle hand on Reid's shoulder, when Reid didn't move.

Reid slowly uncurled and sniffed the air. Morgan smiled and sipping his coffee returned to the crime scene reports he had been going over. Suddenly Reid cursed, Morgan looking up saw Reid stand and shove his chair away from the table. Morgan then glanced at the table and saw Reid's overturned coffee cup and puddle of coffee spreading over the table. Quickly getting to his feet Morgan quickly grabbed a pile of napkins and worked to contain the liquid and save the papers. When he was done, he looked around the room and saw that Reid had disappeared. His heart sinking, Morgan barely contained himself from rushing out of the room and instead walked normally to the bathroom only to find it empty. Morgan sank against the wall and found himself reaching for his cell phone. He swiftly shook his head and went into the bullpen. It all of Morgan's self control to casually walk into the bullpen, halfway into the room he spotted Reid in a far corner of the room his right hand concealed in his sweater pocket talking to a detective holding a first aid kit.

"Thanks for the first aid kit, Detective Smith." Morgan heard Reid saying as he walked over.

Detective Smith instead of handing it over grabbed Reid's left hand which had a series of nasty burns. "You might need to see a doctor about this." Smith said looking at it closely.

"I'm sure it will be fine." Reid said with a slight shy smile. "But thank you again for the First aid kit." Reid finished pulling his hand away and reaching for the first aid kit.

"Alright if you say so, but if you need a ride feel free to ask anyone here. We're all grateful to have the FBI's help on this case; we don't need another Black Dhalia." Smith said handing over the case.

"Reid there you are, Garcia's on the phone she needs to talk to us." Morgan said reaching them.

Reid thanked Detective Smith again and he and Morgan walked back to the conference room. Once inside Morgan closed the door and whirled on Reid his face full of anger and worry. Reid however had his back toward Morgan and was busying himself with the first aid kit trying to open it with one hand.

Morgan sighed and went over to Reid "Here kid, sit down." Morgan said reaching for the kit.

Reid sank down heavily in a chair and didn't say anything as Morgan started cleaning and dressing his hand.

When JJ walked into the room she was carrying a tray full off coffees, her greeting died on her lips and she froze in her tracks as she saw Morgan wrapping Reid's hand in bandages. Morgan shook his head slightly and JJ put on a forced tight smile.

"The press is out in force, by morning everyone in the country will be talking about this case." JJ said putting the coffees on the table

"Why is that?" Morgan asked

"This is the unsub's sixth victim and Anna White was a cousin to Fiona Black"

"Fiona Black didn't she star in Days of our Lives?" Morgan asked

"Yes, how did you know that?" JJ asked

"My mom's a huge fan." Morgan said

Reid smiled at that but didn't clear up anything when Morgan and JJ looked at him for explanation. Morgan finished up Reid's hand and put the supplies away. JJ handed out the coffee after Morgan put the kit on the counter.

"Oh, that has caramel, chocolate, whipped cream, three shots of espresso. I don't know what it's called." JJ said at Reid's raised eyebrow.

Reid looked even more puzzled but he quickly turned his attention to a forensics report. As Reid drank more and more of the coffee he seemed more energized and alert. By the time Rossi, Emily, and Hotch returned Reid had read the recent reports and was writing theories on a notepad. The three of them also had brought coffee and handed it out. Once again Reid was given a huge cup of coffee. Reid took it with quite thanks and went back to his work. Morgan barely waited for the Rossi, Hotch and Emily to get settled before telling them everyone that had happened with Reid. Reid put his hand in his right pocket and gripped something in his pocket tighter and tighter the longer Morgan spoke.

"Spencer did you burn yourself on purpose?" Hotch asked, causing Reid to jump slightly.

"No, no, ever since you woke us up, I've been feeling lethargic and exhausted. When Morgan handed me the coffee I accidently knocked my hand against it causing to turn over." Reid said.

"Why did you go into the bullpen without telling Morgan?" Hotch asked

"I needed burn ointment, and Morgan was busy cleaning up the spill."

"Reid you know you know you're not allowed to go anywhere without an escort." Hotch said

"It was the bullpen of a police station, what.." Reid said starting to retort but stopped himself, instead gripping the object in his pocket in a death grip.

"What do you have in your pocket Spencer?" Emily asked calmly but with an undertone of worry.

Reid took a small step back and seemed ready to refuse an answer when he saw Hotch glance at Morgan who took a step towards him. Reid reluctantly pulled out the object from his pocket; a small stuffed pink and white cat with glasses drawn on with pen, a sky blue hair tie around its neck. JJ, and Emily almost laughed with relief, while Hotch, and Morgan looked at Reid with sympathetic understanding, Rossi of course had an idea what it was.

"It was in the bag Penelope, I mean Technical Analyst Garcia asked Morgan to give to me." Reid said studying the floor.

"Where did the scrunchie come from Spence?" JJ asked, pointing to the ponytail holder around the cat's neck.

Reid blushed slightly "Joan and I had coffee, two well I suppose now its three days ago. It fell from her pocket as she was leaving; I meant to give it back to her when I saw her again." Reid rushed on before anyone else could speak "I'm sorry, I had it in my pocket it was unprofessional of me." He said opening his messenger bag and putting the cat inside, though his teammates could see that he did so with great reluctance.

His teammates looked at Hotch for guidance who simply took a seat at the conference table leading them to do likewise. Hotch, Rossi went over what they had learned at the crime scene, while the others drank their coffee, except for Reid. After the first sip Reid put his cup aside and focused on what the three were saying. After them, JJ spoke, and then everyone fell to work. Reid who had been slowly fading during the meeting reluctantly grabbed the coffee Emily had given him and drank it down.

"Emily what did you get Reid?" Morgan asked seeing Reid's disgusted expression as he drank it.

"I don't know, I just asked for their biggest most ostentatious coffee drink. " Emily said

"JJ did the same thing, though I'm very sure she actually read through the menu before ordering it." Morgan said

"Hey kid can I taste it?" Morgan asked holding out his hand.

Reid handed it over and Morgan took a sip. "This is bad, there's like fruit, honey, herbs, I don't know." Morgan said handing it back.

"I'm sorry Reid I'll get you something better, the next time I'm out." Emily said.

Reid didn't say anything, he simply stood and went over to the map. The morning passed slowly, when Garcia called with information about the latest victim, Reid stood and left the room. Hotch didn't say a word but signaled Rossi to follow.

"Spencer how are you doing?" Garcia asked gently after she was done her presentation.

"Reid's not here, he's working on something else." Hotch said

"Baby Girl, Reid's not here because he left the room as soon as you called. I think he's embarrassed we caught him with one of your stuffed animals in his pocket." Morgan said

"Why should he be embarrassed, I have cute animals all over my work station." Garcia protested.

"He's trying to be as professional as he can; carrying around a pink and white cat with a scrunchi around his neck is not very professional." Emily said

"Oh, could one of you tell him that I'm sorry and I didn't mean to embarrass him."

"Of course."

"Wait, Garcia could you send Reid more stuffed animals?" Hotch asked interrupting Morgan

"Of course Sir, you think they're helping?" Garcia asked clearly puzzled at Hotch's request.

A detective knocked on the door "Thank you Garcia." Hotch said hanging up.

The detective handed over the files and the coroner's report and they started reviewing the information. Ten minutes after they started Rossi and Reid came back; Rossi with a box of donuts and Reid had two huge coffees. Rossi put the donuts on the counter, while Reid waited then tried to hand the coffee over to Rossi. However his grip on the carton holder started to slip and Morgan was barely able to grab the coffees before they fell. Reid started slightly and his family saw he was shivering. JJ threw Morgan's coat over Reid and ushered him into a chair. Morgan handed him the coffee and Reid sipped it slowly. Rossi put a donut over on a napkin and placed it in front of Reid.

"What did Garcia have?" Reid asked putting his coffee down and drawing Morgan's coat around him.

His family looked at each other then Emily filled in him in and Rossi. More coffee was poured as she talked and cups were passed around, as well as donuts. Reid listened patiently, then fell deep into thought.

"So the Unsub is male, in his mid twenties to early thirties. He must work in the theatre industry in order to know the lay out and have access to the various stages and sets the victims are displayed in." Reid paused "I think he might be an aspiring actor, venting his frustrations on the people who got the parts he wanted."

"He's killed both men and women, if he's male why would he kill women?" Hotch asked

Reid paused then pulled out his phone he wavered then dialed. "Hey Garcia can look at the casting calls for the parts our victims got?" he asked

They spoke briefly then Reid quickly hung up. In his haste to put his phone away, Reid's left hand brushed lightly against the table and he pulled it to his chest with a hiss of pain. Rossi pulled out a bottle of Alieve but paused.

"Reid how long ago did you take pain medicine?" Rossi asked

"Hours ago, I took an Asprin for a headache when we got to our room." Reid said

"You didn't give him any pain relief for his burn?" Rossi asked turning on Morgan with anger usually reserved for unsubs

"I forget and Reid didn't ask." Morgan admitted shamefaced

"I'm sorry Dave; I should have asked we both got distracted by JJ coming in." Reid said

Before Rossi could start scolding Morgan, Reid's phone rang and he retrieved it from the table where he had dropped it.

"Boy Genius gets a cookie, two of the parts were changed to suit the actor they cast Anna White's part was originally supposed to be a man the long lost nephew of a doctor but Black lobbied them to cast her niece in the part. Neal Thomas who played a lawyer was supposed to a women but they changed it shortly before shooting. The theatre parts were open to both sexes, the casting director choose the actor they liked best in the role."

"So Reid was right, it could be a man out to get revenge on people who took the parts he thought he should have had." Emily said

"It looks that way."

"Can you cross reference the names of everyone who auditioned for all the same roles?" Hotch asked

"Yes, but that's hundreds of names even separating them by gender. Plus a lot of actors use stage names. But I will do my thing and get back to you forthwith." Garcia said and hung up.

"Alright while Garcia is doing that everyone should go back to the hotel and get some sleep." Hotch said rising to his feet.

Reid however didn't move, he had taken the Alieve Rossi had given to him but he still clutched his hand to his chest. Everyone got ready to leave but Reid stayed in his seat. JJ walked over to him and knelt next to his chair.

"Spence what's wrong?" She asked kindly putting a hand on his shoulder.

"It's my hand; I think I need to see a doctor." Reid said through gritted teeth.

 **A/N Please let me know your thoughts, I greatly appreciate all comments, criticisms and they greatly encourage me to continue. Or just let me know you're interested by Following/Favoriting.**


	18. Chapter 18

"You can't see a doctor Spencer." Hotch said

Everyone turned to glare at him or stare at him in disbelief but Reid simply nodded "You're, you're right, I shouldn't have asked."

Reid's family turned in disbelief from Hotch to Reid who ignored them, Reid stood leaning heavily on his right hand, his left hand still cradled against his chest. He failed to remain on his feet and sank back in his chair. JJ put a hand on his shoulder, while Morgan knelt in front of the chair.

"Spencer, here let me help you." Morgan said putting a hand under Reid's elbow.

"I'm so tired." Reid said his head sinking his head down on his breast.

"I know, kid I know." Morgan said helping him to his feet.

Morgan slipped an arm under Reid's shoulder while JJ grabbed Reid's messenger bag.

"Come on Spence, we just need to go the hotel then you can sleep." JJ said

Reid nodded and he and Morgan took a few steps towards the door before Reid collapsed. Morgan quickly helped Reid down on the floor and sat down beside him.

Morgan put a hand on Reid's forehead "No fever, I think he's just exhausted."

"He can't stay here." Hotch said

No one argued but everyone was deeply unhappy at the harsh, unsympathetic tone of Hotch's voice. Emily poured a cup of coffee and Rossi pulled out a flask from his jacket.

Rossi irished up the coffee and knelt down in Reid "Spencer, you should drink this, it will make you feel better."

Morgan tried to push Reid to sit up by himself but Reid mewed a low plaintive cry and snuggled further into Morgan. Reid's family looked at each other, this is what they had been wanting since they learned about Reid's cutting, but this could not have happened at a worse time. They were on a case, a whole police station was outside the door, and they could not risk Reid being seen like this. Despite the urgency of the situation no one moved, indeed Morgan put his arm around Reid and held him close. Hotch looked around at his team but no one seemed inclined to step in. With an inward sigh Hotch knelt down next to Dave and took the coffee.

"Agent Reid, I need you to drink this." Hotch ordered holding out the cup.

Reid mewed unhappily but pushed himself away from Morgan with his right hand. Once upright Reid took the mug and drank down half in one go. He slowly sipped the rest and handed the empty mug to Morgan. He then let Hotch and Rossi help him to his feet. Reid gave Morgan back his jacket and took his messenger bag from JJ. After straightening his left arm, Reid left the room. His teammates quickly gathered their things and followed after him.

The bullpen was the middle of a shift change and it was swarming with cops. Reid tried to thread his way through the throngs of people but several times his hand was hit causing to utter low hisses of pain. By the time they got to the SUVs Reid was cradling his hand, his face pale with pain and exhaustion. Emily opened the door and Reid got into the back. Emily shut the door and joined the others by the second SUV.

"Hotch he needs to see a doctor." Morgan was saying as Emily came over

"He can't, the way he's acting right now is a clear red flag to any medical professional." Hotch said

"Then what, we wait until his hand becomes infected, until he's in so much pain he can barely move." JJ said.

"If it gets that bad I'll take him to a doctor, I know how to prevent unwanted questions." Rossi said, and then turned to Morgan "I want to come back with us to the hotel, hopefully Spencer will continue taking comfort with you."

Morgan nodded but didn't say anything. Everyone started walking to the cars but Emily held back.

"Wait we need to get medical supplies whose going to do that?" she asked

"JJ, and I, you go back with Morgan and Rossi keep Reid company." Hotch said

She nodded and got into the passenger seat of the first SUV, Rossi was driving and Morgan got into the back. Morgan moved to the middle seat and tried to put an arm around Reid, but he shrugged his shoulder and glared slightly at Morgan. Morgan moved behind Emily and they drove to the hotel. At the hotel Rossi got out first and helped Reid out. Reid was unsteady on his feet and leaned against the SUV. When Morgan and Emily came over, Reid pushed himself off but was forced to grab Morgan for support. Morgan put an arm around Reid's shoulders and they went to the hotel and up to Rossi and Reid's room. Morgan went to help Reid into his room but Reid shook him off and entered by himself.

Once Rossi had said goodbye to Emily and Morgan and shut the door he walked into the room to find Reid sprawled on the bed. Rossi propped him up with pillows and took a seat next to him.

"Okay Spencer I need a reason why you didn't ask Derek for pain killers." Rossi said firmly

"It helped the pain it helped keep me focused. Some of the Unsub's victims are women, Rossi young women like Harris's victims. My mind keeps trying to flash back to Claire Barnes, Katie Higgins, other women we were unable to save. The pain in my hand keeps me grounded." Reid said leaning his head back against the headboard. "In some ways I feel I deserve this pain, after all the people I've hurt, everyone I've let down, it's only right."

"Oh Spencer." Rossi said taking Reid's hand.

Reid squeezed back then pulled his hand away. Rossi stood and used the bathroom and got ready for sleep. Reid didn't bother and just stretched out fully dressed on the bed. Rossi threw a blanket over him and then stretched out on his own bed. Hotch called Rossi's cell twenty minutes later; Rossi let him and JJ in.

"Where's Morgan?" Hotch asked looking around the room.

"Reid didn't want him here so I told him and Emily to get some sleep."

Hotch nodded and the three of them got out the medical supplies. Reid had woken up but just sat up against the headboard. Reid remained as silent and resigned as he had been when Hotch examined his wounds from the fight with Nathan Harris. Once they were done Hotch gave Reid heavy duty painkillers and Reid sank down and back into sleep. JJ and Hotch cleaned up and put the supplies away in the bathroom then left. Four hours later Reid and Rossi joined the rest of the team for breakfast at a local diner at Ten.

Rossi was wearing jeans, a button down shirt and was carrying a jacket. Reid was wearing slacks, a tie, a jacket, and despite his bandaged and almost useless left hand a long sleeve button down shirt. The two men were ten minutes late and sat down at the end of the table.

"Sorry we're late." Rossi said

"It's fine." Emily said "Reid how are feeling?" she asked turning to him.

"Fine, good." Reid said intently studying the menu.

"Kid are you sure? You have a nasty burn." Morgan said

Reid looked at him then looked down at the table "I'm, I'm, I'm sorry about my conduct earlier Agent Morgan it was unprofessional of me. I'm sorry for any embarrassment I caused you."

"Kid, Spencer." Morgan said "Spencer look at me." Morgan said when Reid continued to study the place mat. "Spencer you didn't embarrass me, I want to help you, anytime you need me, I'm right here." Morgan said holding out his hand.

Reid dropped his gaze from Morgan's face to his hand and slowly, tentatively stretched out his own hand. Suddenly a cup of coffee was set down and Reid jerked his hand back.

"Here you are sweetie." The waitress said "A large coffee with chocolate syrup and whipped cream." She finished and turned to the rest of the table "You all ready to order?" She asked

The mood was chilly in some places hostile even as the table turned towards her.

"Could you give us a few minutes?" JJ asked with her with a slight smile.

"Of course, I'll be right back." She said and left.

Reid was busying himself swirling his whipped cream into his coffee. Upon realizing the stares he hastily dropped his spoon into the mug. "Rossi, I'm not that hungry why don't we go to the station Garcia most likely has a list of names for us to go through by now. "

"Spencer I'm hungry and we have a long day ahead of us. We'll get some food and then head over; we can't afford to skip breakfast." Rossi said

The others at the table were puzzled by Rossi's last statement then it hit them like a thunderbolt as Reid dropped his head and started rubbing his arm. Reid refused to speak for the rest of the meal so Rossi ordered for them both. Halfway through the food Rossi discreetly pulled out a pill dispenser divided into days and handed Reid his medication. Emily, JJ, and Morgan concentrated on their food to give Reid some illusion of privacy, Hotch however watched Reid like a hawk. Reid swallowed the pills, washing them down with the remains of his coffee. He ate a few more bites of his pancakes then pushed his plate away and waited for the others to finish.

The white and red roses left on the victims were grown but the orange roses used on Neal Thomas, and Anna White were made using a very specific dye. The crime techs were finally able to isolate the dye and Emily and Rossi left to check out the handful of florist shops that used it. JJ and Hotch went to talk to Fiona Black and White's parents. Morgan and Reid went to the station to start narrowing Garcia's list and to go over the coroner report. However at the station Reid refused to look at the crime scene photos or the coroner report, instead spending his time going through the suspect list Garcia had drawn up.

"Spencer what's wrong?" Morgan asked noting Reid's pale face.

"Nothing just a headache, there's a lot of files to read through." Reid said his left hand held close to his torso

Morgan pulled out the bottle of heavy duty painkillers Hotch had given him. "Here kid, take these." Morgan said handing him two.

Reid started to object but then stopped at the guilty, worried look on Morgan's face and took them. JJ, and Hotch joined them an hour after they started but without any new insights. JJ again brought coffee and handed Reid the same drink she had given him yesterday. Reid took it with a murmur of thanks and returned to his files. As noon passed the room started sweltering and everyone was soon working in their shirt sleeves except Reid.

"Here Spencer let me help." JJ said reaching for his sleeves.

"Don't, I'm fine." Reid objected

"It's alright to ask for help." Hotch said

At that Reid allowed JJ to roll up his sleeves for him. A few minutes later Rossi and Emily came in. Rossi like JJ had coffee and Emily was carrying a box. Rossi passed out the coffee, while Emily put the box on the floor.

"What is going on?" Reid demanded upon being handed a gigantic iced coffee, complete with whipped cream and streaks of caramel and chocolate running down the inside.

"It's a giant mocha, whipped cream with three shots of espresso. I thought you liked that kind of thing." Emily said

"But you guys keep doing this, bringing me fancy coffee drinks, why?" Reid asked

"Because you asked us too." JJ said simply clearly puzzled and hurt by Reid's question.

Reid paused clearing trying to remember when he had asked "I was being sarcastic." He burst out

"We'll it wasn't clear to us and we want to show you that we care about, that we support you, and we want to do everything we can to help make things easier for you." Emily said

Reid looked at her his face suspicious and even hostile, but in his eyes the team read a longing to finally accept and embrace the love his family was offering. Unwilling to be so vulnerable Reid retreated behind his walls and started aggressively scratching his left arm and hand. Emily grabbed his hand, and Rossi thrust a stuffed Chinese dragon at him.

Reid stared in bewilderment at the stuffed animal. "Spencer if you ever need to hurt something use one of these toys, Garcia sent you a whole boxfull." Rossi said handing it over.

Reid gripped it tight practically strangling the dragon, and turned to Rossi with a face full of fury. Before Reid could speak Hotch did.

"We need to get back to work." Hotch said

 **A/N Confrontations next chapter, Rossi is not finished with Morgan, and someone is finally going to stand up to Hotch. Please let me know your thoughts I adore reviews and find them very helpful and encouraging, or just show your support by Following/Favoriting.**

 **PS. If there is a stuffed thing from Garcia you want included tell me and it will show up in the story.**


	19. Chapter 19

They worked quietly for an hour, Reid despite his protest kept the dragon on his lap on he worked his hand sometimes lingering on it for a moment. There work was interrupted by Morgan's phone ringing. Morgan glanced at Reid before he stood and left the room. He came back barely two minutes after he left and turned on the team's laptop. Morgan put his phone on speaker and pictures started filling the screen.

"So I was going over the coroner's report there were was dye on Anna White's body and on her hands." Garcia said from the phone

"Her body was covered in rose petals including the roses placed in her hands." Emily said

"Yes but the dye on her hands was not only orange but red."

"Red? From what?" JJ asked

"I'm glad you asked, production companies will often dye their flowers to make them appear brighter on screen. Anna's character was arranging a vase of red flowers in a scene they were shooting only a few hours before she was killed. I talked to the lab and the dye used on those roses matched the dye on the orange roses the Unsub used. Now while only six flower shops use that dye, there are four nurseries who grow and sell flowers to the production companies." Garcia said

"The knife used on all six victims we thought it was a theatrical knife. What if it's a florist knife used specifically to cut flowers?" Morgan asked

"That would explain the dye found inside the victims' wounds." Garcia said pulling up three pictures of the victims stab wounds on the computer.

The team was discussing the possible new leads and evidence when a loud bang made them jump. They instinctively turned to Reid and found his chair overturned and Reid heading for the door. In a flash everyone was on their feet. Hotch was closest and he managed to grab Reid before Reid could open the door. Reid was panting and very agitated; he tried to twist away from Hotch but Hotch kept a firm grip on his forearm. Reid's slightly ashen face took on a greenish tint and he bent over and threw up. Hotch reflexively took a step back but didn't relinquish Reid's arm causing him to cry out. Hotch quickly let go and Rossi put an arm around Reid's shoulder's helping him sit in the chair Emily dragged out. Morgan thrust a trash can in front of Reid who threw up twice more. Emily was helping Hotch clean up using paper towels and water from the water pitcher in the room.

"Spencer?" Rossi asked holding out a glass of watered down scotch

Reid took it though his hand was shaking and gulped down half before throwing it up. Shaking his head Reid sipped the rest down slowly.

"Dave take Reid back to the hotel." Hotch ordered

"I'll get you some pants and shoes." Emily said.

Rossi was helping Reid to his feet, but Reid slipped and fell into JJ. JJ steadied him and tried to steer him to the table to collect his bag. Reid refused to even look at the table and kept his eyes firmly fixed on the door. Morgan handed Reid his messenger bag, while JJ grabbed his jacket. Hotch and Emily moved away from the door but Reid shook his head when Emily moved to leave with them and pointed at Morgan. Rossi opened his mouth but just as quickly shut it with a hostile, suspicious glance at Morgan. JJ handed the bundled up jacket to Rossi and the three left. Reid managed to navigate his way through the police station but collapsed in the parking garage. Rossi slipped an arm around his shoulders and guided him to the SUV and helped in him inside.

"Is everything alright?" an officer called out as he and his partner left the station.

"Yes, low blood sugar that's all." Morgan said

"Are you sure? He looks really bad." The officer's partner said as the pair walked over.

"Bad burn and low blood sugar we're going to get some food and coffee and he'll be fine." Rossi said

"You sure? He looks like he needs more then food and caffeine." The man persisted peering at Reid

"Frank this is David Rossi, you don't question him." The first man said looking at Rossi with star struck respect.

"Oh, sorry sir, nice to meet you sir" the man said "Lieutenant Frank Ahren and this is my partner Captain Ron Denny."

"Nice to meet you." Rossi said shaking their hands

Rossi and Morgan watched the two men walk off before getting into the SUV, Morgan in back with Reid. When they got to the hotel Morgan stopped Reid from exiting until Rossi opened the door. The two men helped Reid out and guided helped him to the elevator. Once the doors were closed Reid pushed away from them and leaned against the back of the elevator shivering from the air conditioning. Morgan tried to hand him his jacket but Reid shook his head. The second the elevator stopped Reid pushed past them and headed for his room. His tremors prevented him from swiping his key card so Rossi gently grabbed it and opened the door. Reid went in first followed by Rossi then Morgan. They walked past the bathroom to the main room where Reid started scratching his hand.

"I need control, I need control. Derek you understand right?" Reid asked

"I do kid" Morgan said helping Reid take off his messenger bag "Uh Rossi do you have scotch or whiskey in here?" He asked turning to Rossi as he set Reid's bag on a chair.

"Yeah" Rossi said pulling out a bottle of scotch from a dresser drawer.

"No, no liquor I can't, I need." Reid started clawing his hand.

Rossi grabbed his hands "Spencer if you keep exacerbating your burn I will have to take you to the hospital."

"No, no hospital, I'll stop." Reid said as he pulled away and started pacing.

Morgan thrust the dragon into his hands and Reid started twisting and pulling the dragon as he paced.

"Dave I'm hungry could you get me some food?" Reid asked after a few minutes of relentless pacing.

"Derek can you go get you some food, whatever you want." Rossi said

"No, you know what I like and I'd like to spend some time with Derek. Alone." Reid said turning to face him.

"Okay, but first you need to change your clothes." Rossi said pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"But we need to go back to work, just give me an hour and I can work the case."

"We will but you have spots of vomit on your clothes and we need to talk. Rossi said handing him the clothes "So change your clothes, we'll talk and then go back to the station."

Reid nodded reluctantly and taking the clothes went into the bathroom. Morgan turned to Rossi but Rossi signaled him to be quiet. A few load thumps were heard causing Morgan to jump. Rossi ignored them and pulled out a pill bottle and a bottle of water from the fridge. Reid came out rubbing his bruised knuckles which had spots of blood.

"Spencer sit on the bed and take these pills." Rossi ordered.

Reid sighed but did as Rossi said within minutes he was passed out. Rossi laid him flat and checked for a pulse. Finding one he breathed a sigh of relief and piled blankets on him.

"What did you give him?" Morgan demanded watching from the window.

"Heavy duty tranquilizers I got from Dr. Abelson in case Reid had a complete mental breakdown. Unfortunately Reid has lost so much weigh it's hard to figure out the appropriate dosage." Rossi said heavily

"You think he's lost it?" Morgan demanded.

"No but I can't not handle him right now, I can't help him." Rossi said

"So you drug him!"

"You don't have any right to speak." Rossi said harshly cutting Morgan off. "You will get Aaron clean clothes and shoes and go back to the station. Reid and I will remain here for the rest of the day, if Aaron needs my help he is welcome to call."

"How is this my fault? I have been entirely supportive of Reid and you throughout this entire ordeal." Morgan said angrily

"By neglecting to give Reid painkillers for his burn you validated his belief that he deserves pain, that he is a bad man who deserves punishment. The reason Spencer asked me for food is because he wanted me out of the room so he could self harm."

"Dave you can't believe I would let him hurt himself." Morgan protested

"I don't but Spencer does, that's why when he collapsed last night he sought comfort with you and why he is tentatively reaching out to you. Which is why I can't allow you to be alone with Spencer, until he is fully recovered." Rossi said

Morgan looked at Reid and then at Rossi and nodded his head in agreement.

"You know Rossi" Morgan said walking over to the door "I'm not angry at Reid but I wish he had reached out to us before things got this bad."

"Spencer is in a team full of Alpha personalities, he tries hard to be as strong as the rest of us and I'm sure he wanted one of his family to reach out and talk to him." Rossi said

Morgan's look of sorrow and guilt showed his agreement and then he left. Rossi picked up the phone and called Garcia to fill her on Reid.

Morgan walked over to the hotel room he shared with Hotch. He unlocked the door went inside but instead of grabbing Hotch's clothes he went to his bed and sat down putting his hands on his knees. He remained there until his phone rang.

Sighing he reached into his pocket and answered "Hey Baby Girl, what do you have for me."

They spoke for many minutes then Morgan hung up, grabbed Hotch's clothing and returned to the station. When he got there Emily and Hotch hard at work, JJ was busy handling the press.

"How is Reid?" Emily asked as Hotch took the clothes.

"Asleep, Rossi said to call if you need anything." Morgan said

Hotch left the room and Morgan fell to work. JJ came back before Hotch with cups of coffee. She passed them out but stopped with two left.

"I forgot about Rossi and Reid, it's chaos out there and I'm worried the Unsub will kill again just to keep his name in headlines." JJ said

"Garcia and Reid narrowed our suspect list considerably we should find him some soon." Emily said.

JJ got up and walked over to the box of stuffed animals and pulled out a yellow mouse with a lightning bolt for a tale. "Does Spence even know what Pokémon is?" She asked

"We'll find out." Emily said.

JJ lightly tossed her the toy and then sat down at the table. The door suddenly opened and Hotch came in his face dark and worried.

"Hotch what's wrong?" Emily asked getting to her feet

"Another body?" JJ asked

"No, Chief Bolton just pulled me into his office and asked if one of my Agents had a drinking problem."

"What! How did he figure it out?" Morgan asked

"Reid was not as discreet as he should have been." Hotch said

"You son of a…" Emily started but JJ caught her hand.

"Aaron that is unfair, Spencer has been doing everything you've asked of him and you are the one giving him liquor." JJ said

Hotch walked over to the evidence board and didn't answer.

 **A/N Sorry it's been so long, one confrontation down, one to finish. Please review or just Follow/Favorite. Your continued support really encourages me and your critiques greatly improve my writing.**


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